Monday, July 26, 2010

She Bust The Windows Out His Car

Let's face it. People get pissed off in love, then it becomes WAR. And there's a whole soundtrack to back it up.

Oran "Juice" Jones -- The Rain
Kelis -- Caught Out There
Blu Cantrell -- Hit 'Em Up Style (Oops!)
Sunshine Anderson --  Heard It All Before
And the latest to join the "Pissed-off Pack" is Jazmine Sullivan -- Bust Your Windows

See how it progressively gets worse? Oran put the girl out of his house, took back all the gifts and told her to "be gone!" Kelis is running up and down the block talking about how much she hates her man. And by the time Jazmine smashes her cheating man's car windows, Blu's already spent up all the money and ruined her man's credit, and Sunshine's warning a brotha that he's got her "bout to call my peeps and take it to the streeeeeeets!"

So, what gives, right?

Men all over the country (and a couple of cougars/sugar mommas) want to know why it has to be this way? They're standing there looking at the ruins of their prized Mercedes-Benzes and Toyota Corollas, and some of them are welling up with tears right now about to break down like a punk in prison. They're looking at key marks from the rootie to the tootie (that's the back bumper to the front bumper); they've got punctured tires. They're looking at smashed windows and headlights. They're looking at Easy-Off Oven Cleaner piled up on the hood. They've got spray paint in any spot there isn't already a key scratch. Oh yeah, and some of them have a brick lodged in the sunroof.

Again, I'm sure the fellas are asking why all the drama over a failed relationship? And therein lies the rub. What I find truly astounding is that some men don't see the damage they cause some women but they can sure as hell see the damage these women caused to their cars.

Meanwhile, it's my observation that women who go to this extreme only do so because they don't feel like the men who've wronged them grasp how much pain they're enduring. If a man were truly remorseful for breaking this woman's heart, she might not be breaking his car!

Now, yes, there are some hormonally imbalanced, emotionally undeveloped women out there who would go helter skelter on a BMW or a Honda if her man forgot a gift on Valentine's Day. But let's be clear, I'm not talking about that woman. I'm talking about the good woman gone bad because she got tied to a bad guy.

Perhaps Jill Scott explains it best in her "Insomnia," in which she croons longingly about her lover who won't come home and who won't call or talk to her anymore. She ends her song with this ironically quietly spoken diatribe:

Time to wake up, put on my strong face
And hope that no one will know
You have managed to turn me
From a woman of substance
Into a 'Brick flying, calling too damn much
Cryin' and cryin', spyin' way down, down low with flats on
From the opposite side of the bar
Easy Off, loaded on the top of your car' chick
I never intended to be this chick...
...After being chased, I've been dismissed
As just an object, something to play with
You have managed to turn me
From a woman of substance to this

The revelation today isn't for me, it's for the cheater with the selfish spirit: If you cause another person pain, bear in mind that what goes around comes around.

Content copyright 2010. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Don't "Freak" So Fast, Your Souls Are Tied

A guy and a girl see each other across the room during dinner at Grand Lux Cafe, at happy hour at The Drake or during a concert at The Warehouse. They respectively think, "She's cute," and "He's fine."

They play that game and peep each other throughout the evening, checking to see who arrived solo and who came with company. So, the coast is clear because he's rollin' wit da homies and she's with her crew.

Already knowing they're gonna have sex within the next three days, they approach each other and play that other game: who's gonna surrender the digits tonight and who's going to play the fool and wait for that damned phone call! But whatever, it's part of the dance.

Eventually, phone calls are made, text messages and photos are sent, innuendo is flying through the phone lines like crazy and they decide to go out. (Honestly, I don't know why when they both know the goal is to get laid. But whatever, I'm making a point here.)

They have sex and think it's "the bomb." Soon enough, our couple continues to have sex whenever and wherever possible. His place, her place, hell...someplace!

Time rolls on and they make a  decision to date and be together. After all, he doesn't want her sharing her goodies with any other man and she'll scratch out the eyes of any woman trying to get up on what she's got!

But soon they discover they sort of get on each other's damned nerves.

He farts like she's not sitting RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. She takes all her phone calls in the other room and returns texts when she thinks he's not looking. His multiple children's multiple mothers start revealing how crazy they can be. And her children's fathers are getting irate because they "don't know who this fool is!" She's not looking sexy like she used to because she pulled out those tube socks she likes to wear when she's watching television. And he's falling asleep in the bed so fast, she can't get any of that so-called good lovin' that brought them together in the first place. He's with his friends playing too much XBox and she's always asking for money to get her hair and nails done.

The list continues to get nasty, and the sex really isn't as great as they had "selectively remembered." They each start consulting with the peanut gallery for advice and to just basically vent their frustrations. But one thing's clear -- this thing has got to come to an end.

And so it does.

But of course it came to an end. The whole thing was out of bounds, out of line and out of order! Is it any wonder that this so-called relationship fell apart so quickly? Allow me to put a neat little bow on the long, drawn out story above:

  • They saw each other.
  • They slept with each other.
  • They got to know each other.
  • They didn't like each other.
  • They got the hell away from each other. 

This, my friends, is what you call "ass backwards." And for women, this hurts more than anything because oftentimes we feel as if we've been taken advantage of. But keep in mind, with the average guy, they cannot have what we don't willingly give them.

At the heart of the matter, though, is your soul. Yes, I'm going "there."

I learned many years ago about something called a soul tie. In a nutshell, it's the spiritual principle that when two people engage in sex -- in essence joining their bodies -- they also join their souls. And a soul tie isn't broken just because the connection has been broken.

With this in mind, is it truly a wonder why us ladies have such a hard time letting go of a person after a one-night stand? Fellas, is it really baffling that the girl you meant to have a fling with got under your skin and had you whipped? Considering you tied your soul to someone in just one night -- and for some, in less than 20 minutes -- do you now see why you can go crazy when you don't get that call in the next couple of day?

Please understand, there ARE other kinds of soul ties. Parents and children. Husbands and wives. Brothers and sisters.

We are tied to one another spiritually through our physical bonds. But we've got to learn to be a little more careful when it comes to making new bonds with people we don't care about. And this is precisely why I say that our couple moved through their so-called relationship backwards. They tied their souls to one another without even know if they wanted to have that kind of connection.

Next time you find yourself two seconds from whipping out the condom because you THINK you like him or her, look at that person and silently ask yourself this:

"Do I really want my SOUL tied to YOU?"

Content copyright 2010. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Don't Trick Off Your Life -- It's Almost Over!

In case it never crossed your mind, your life is already HALF WAY OVER.

Okay, okay. So, if you're in your 20s or are 50+, this message doesn't really apply to you. But if you're in my peer group (late 30s and early 40s), then "this Bud's for you!" Now, I'll say it again. And you read it slowly.

Your life is already HALF WAY OVER.

Let that sink in. Go ahead and marinate on it -- I'll wait. Feeeel the gravity of that statement. I mean, unless you're pretty confident that you'll be living to the ripe old age of 100, it's safe to assume you have, indeed, completed the first half of your life.

And that sucker went by quick, didn't it? I mean, weren't we all in college yesterday watching Spike Lee's "School Daze" and doin' Da Butt? Didn't we just go to the high school prom last month listening to Keith Sweat singing "Make It Last Forever?" I can recall details about junior high school like last week's episode of "CSI." Those of you with children surely have seen the years flying by.

In case you're not catching what I'm throwing: We're on our way BACK into the Pampers!

Right about now, your brain should be kicking into overdrive thinking about how you're going to live out the second half of your life effectively. (And for you Type-A Personality people who figured out your entire life's plan by the time you reached 15 years of age, this Bud is NOT for you!)

It's time to think about whether you're really going to keep getting involved in mediocre relationships? Are you going to stay in the crappy one you're having now?

Answer this question: Do you consider yourself insane?

Well, you know what we say is the definition of insanity -- doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result. So, are you pursuing your lovelife with a touch of insanity? Fellas, are you dating the same kind of girl every time and wondering why it always blows up in your face (and your wallet's lookin' a lil' thinner)? Ladies, are you getting involved with men who keep running the same old game (getting the "cookies" and then disappearing)?

And married people, you aren't exempt from this conversation either. Are you really going to walk into your golden years with the one who makes you miserable? (If you have small children, it's a totally different scenario -- I know.)


Regardless of your status -- married, single or dating -- it all sort of sounds a little insane doesn't it?

I'm imploring you once again: Are you going to let other people and their bullshit cause you to screw off the second half of your life? After all, if you thought the first half went by quickly, just watch how fast this 2nd half flies by!

I shared this Relationship Revelation with a friend of about a month ago. He'd been holding on to a loveless marriage for more than 10 years. Initially, he stayed for the kids, but it all just fell apart. After he and I talked about this revelation, he filed for divorce the very next day. I'm not advocating divorce. I abhor the very idea of it. But what I hate even more is someone wasting my time and filling my life with stress and malice.

Today, I have no answers. Just this one question: How are you going to live the second half of your life?


Content copyright 2010. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

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