Does Having A Man Mean I'm Being Demoted?

Us single girls pretty much do it all. We earn the bacon, bring it home and fry it up in the pan. We buy our own homes and we clean them. We plant flowers in the front yard and mow the lawn. We go out for happy hour and sometimes foot the bill on dates. And the single moms are doing all of the above while helping with homework, playing chauffeur to an overbooked 8-year-old and pulling double-duty with the laundry. We're at family picnics, shopping at the 3rd coming of the Macy's once-a-year sale and somehow squeezing in Passion Parties. Whew!

Then we meet the guy who wants to be THE MAN in our lives.

Don't get it twisted. We want him here. We're happy he's here. Just by the list I've described above, we need the help. Super Woman needs her Super Man, 'cause let's face it...we're tired!!!

So, what's the problem?

Single ladies have heard from every man in their lives from their pastor to their papa that we need to "let a man be a man." And we want to do that. But it occurs to me that it's easier said than done. Why? Because letting a man be a man means that, in my life, I have to take a demotion. Wow!

Think about it. All this time, I've been the CEO, the board chair, ALL the vice presidents, the secretary, the treasurer, the chaplain and the doggone sergeant-at-arms. And somehow, I'm supposed to give up the CEO seat, relinquish a couple of them-there VP positions and step down to maybe one VP seat, secretary and part-time treasurer???

I mean, that's like asking Wonder Woman to un-ass her Golden Lasso or to share one of her sparkling, bullet-repelling bangles. I can already feel my left hand perching on my left hip as my neck starts the slow swirl, and my right index finger twisting in the air with my lips all fixed to say: "Excuse Me?!?"

Now, I know good and well that in the land of reasonable people, no business or enterprise should be run by a board of one. So, the scenario of me holding all the board positions in my life isn't a great idea. I SHOULD be relinquishing some of these seats to my man. (After he proves his trustworthiness and capability, of course. Mama ain't raise no fool!)

But to some degree, this explains why it's so difficult for some women to adapt to having a man step in and do what a man naturally wants to do for a woman. We're not fighting you because we don't want you to step into your role, but you're asking for us to let go of something we've had a sleeper grip on for anywhere from 1 to 10 years. It's not easy. (And just to be clear, this goes way above and beyond reaching for the door knob and pulling out my own chairs. I let go of those things a long time ago.)

So, when I shared this revelation with a close male friend of mine, admittedly looking for a couple of high fives and a fist bump, he flipped the script on me. (gasp!) He explained to me that as a bachelor, he too had learned to do it all for himself -- the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry and the grocery shopping. And a few of the women who'd made it into HIS inner sanctum were disappointed when he didn't let them cook for him or help with the laundry.

"Mish, she actually said to me: 'Well, if you can do it all, what do you need me for?' " he recalled. And she wasn't the only one who'd said it to him.

So, the way I see it, none of us are too eager to just be giving up VP seats and treasurer positions so quickly. It's going to take time to bring on a new board of directors and make it all work. There's a comfort level we all have to abandon when bringing a new person into our lives. And when you're already pushing 40 or are already past 40 years old, it becomes and even more daunting task.

So, on behalf of myself and the single ladies "holding it down," I'm asking the fellas for some compassion and some time. Our lives can sometimes be like a house of cards, one small bump to the table and it all comes fluttering  down. And gentlemen, we'll work on extending the same courtesy to you.

After all, what are we talking about here? Swapping the yard work for cooking dinner? I'll take it!

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