Monday, December 26, 2011

The Devil is Fighting for Your Mind


RELATIONSHIP REVELATIONS QUICKIE: It occurred to me yesterday that the "territory" the devil seeks control of is the mind. Once the devil has control of your mind, he can influence the words that come out of your mouth. In essence, you'll be putting things into motion by simply speaking them. Sometimes, we call that "putting things into the universe."
Then it occurs to me that this must be why we're told in church to praise God anyway or to praise Him through our pain. It's way of maintaining some control over what comes out of our mouths when the devil is fighting to influence our minds.
Go into 2012 praising God through it all!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Monday, December 12, 2011

When It's Time To Get Da Hell Out

HERE'S SOMETHING TO CONSIDER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS: If you're always having to prove things like where you're at and who you're with and what you've got, then chances are you'll always have to be proving something to keep that person happy. But it'll end up making YOU miserable. So, if this kind of crap crops up early in your relationship...you might want to break and RUN!


Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Friday, November 25, 2011

If You're Full of Shit, You Can't Expect Perfection

Maybe it was the martinis that got us going. But whatever it was, something loosened my girlfriend's lips and caused her to wax poetic rattling off a list of things she wanted in her perfect man. It was a nice list full of the usual attributes: kind, generous, God-fearing, gainfully employed, fit, not a mama's boy, well-groomed smart, loves kids, blah, blah, blah.

But then a devilish thought crossed my mind: "I bet if he knew the list of what you were REALLY like, he wouldn't touch you with a 10-foot pole!"

In other words, while she was talking about all the stuff she HOPES to get in a man, I was running down a mental list of the shit he would be getting if he chose to be with my friend. Yikes! It would go a little something like this:

Needy
Insecure
Jealous
Borrows money constantly
Criticizes 
Criminal history (shoplifted in her 20s)
Requires constant reassurance
Always depressed
Always the victim
Job-hopper (No career aspirations)
Keeps a filthy home
Would rather watch TV (than do anything!)

Well, you get the point. 

I mean, it crossed my mind that while she's busy creating her demanding list of stuff she wants in a guy, what if that same guy found out about her real life list? Ya know, that list of who she really is.

Look at it this way: If that man made a list of his perfect woman's attributes and put it next to the real list of who she is, I'd bet he'd go screaming for the hills. That man, my friends, would be "OUTTA THERE!"

So, I said all that to say this to both WOMEN and MEN: Stop it with the lists. Let the lists go. Because unless you're ready to get real about what's on YOUR list, then you can't go around making demands about what should be on someone else's!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.




Saturday, November 19, 2011

She's Happy, But He's Cheating!

This is how the story goes: Guy proposes to girl. Girl is happy. They're finally tying the knot. 

Here's the back story: Even though she's caught him cheating at least 4 times over the past 8 years, she's still going to link up for life with this man and make it official. 

Well, as the old folks say, he's going to make her an honest woman. The question on the table is, "Can HE be an honest man?!?!"

You see, this fool is still cheating and is planning to do so up until the night before his wedding...AND WITH A MARRIED WOMAN! In fact, she knows he's proposed to his lady and is getting married and she's still consenting to continue her affair with him the night before his wedding.

Then I started wondering what allows a man who's been busted continue to cheat? One word...
arrogance.

It's arrogance because he doesn't seem to think he'll get caught...again. 
It's arrogance because he's not considering what news of this crap will do to his bride-to-be.
It's arrogance because if his daddy used that same logic on his mama, he'd want to kill him!

But then again, maybe it's not HIS arrogance that lets him keep cheating. Maybe it's her desperation to be married. Maybe it's her fear of being alone, so she'll keep a man at any cost. Maybe it's her insecurity causing her to feel she'll never be able to find another man. 

Kinda makes you wonder if they were PERFECT for each other. He's a mess and she willingly cleans it up. Sounds like simpatico to me!


Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Time + Trust = Good Foundation

Relationship Revelations Quickie:
Men want their women to give them their trust.
Women want their men to give them their time. 

If women could find it in their hearts and reasonable minds to trust their men more and not be so suspicious; and if men could just carve out a little more quality time for their women, many arguments could be stopped before they start.

Just a thought...





Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Nearly 40 & Still Single? You're SCREWED!


Apparently, there’s something wrong with me. I don’t mean in the “you’ve-got-a-zit-so-big-it-looks-like-you’ve-got-a-horn-growing-out-of-your-forehead” kind of way. I mean, there’s something wrong with me on the inside. You can’t see it, but clearly, society is constantly telling me something is going on with me…and it’s all wrong, wrong, wrong.

The problem is…I don’t know what it is. Here’s what I do know:
  1.  I’m 40 years old
  2. I have no children
  3. I have a career
  4. I am not divorced
  5. I have never been married
  6. I’ve never smoked a joint, popped a pill or shot anything into my veins
  7. I’ve never been to jail for slashing tires or tossing bricks through windshields
  8. I don’t sleep with men for money nor do I ask them for money
  9. I sometimes pay for the meal or movie ticket on a date
  10. I attend church

Well, you get the point. So, why does society ask “what’s wrong with you?” once they find out all of this about me? Seriously, I have to ask them what’s wrong with this list?

I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Society has a 1960’s expectation of today’s modern woman. There is an expectation that she will graduate high school, squeeze some college in, find the love of her life on the college campus, have children, get a job (not have a career) and hold down the household. Oddly, this expectation exists while parents raise us modern girls by reminding us we can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and do it all WITHOUT a man!

Really? And something is wrong with ME? Seriously, something is wrong with the members of our society who fall into this way of thinking.

I’ll never forget an office Christmas party a few years back. It was hosted at the boss’ home in a very exclusive neighborhood. At the time, I wasn’t seeing anyone exclusively so I asked a friend and fraternity brother to come with me. At least he could get a nice meal and then we could go out afterward.

Then the unthinkable happened. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just rip off the bandage: He stood me up.

My so-called friend and fraternity brother had told me up until 4:30 p.m. that afternoon that he’d be at my place to pick me up at 6:30 p.m. But as late as 7 p.m. he never called me nor did he answer my calls. He never texted. He never e-mailed. Nothing. I got bupkiss. So, I sucked it up and went to the Christmas office party by my damned self with some quickie excuse for my date’s last-minute absence. I was all set to hang out with my co-workers. No problem. I’d handle my friend’s ass later for pulling a Houdini on me!

So, the circular driveway is full of cars and that means all the gang’s inside. I liked my co-workers so I was pretty happy to be there. And when I get to the front door, the boss’ wife swings open the huge front door and says, “Hi, Michica! Oh, don’t you look beautiful!” she said as loud as you please. Then glancing into the quiet darkened driveway behind me, she says even louder: “You’re alone? You’re too pretty not to have a date! You’re SUCH a pretty girl; I can’t imagine why you don’t have someone with you.”

I’ve always heard the phrase: “I had the wind knocked out of me.” But until that very moment, I had no idea what it meant. Upon hearing the boss’ wife repeat this exact diatribe rather loudly in her echo-producing home, I wanted to hurl some choice insults back at her, quit my job and get the hell out of there. I mean, what the hell happened to, “Welcome to my home! It’s so nice to have you hear.” (Bitch.) I couldn’t believe that she took one glance at me and reduced my situation to being “too pretty” to be alone. She never asked if my date was okay or if he was coming later. She just took one look at my “pretty” self and the empty driveway behind me and declared I was too cute to be rolling solo.

For those of you wondering, my fraternity brother and I did work the situation out…several months later and remain friends to this day.

Back to my point. If you’re nearing 40 years old or have already passed it, people look at you as if something is wrong with YOU for being single. Never mind that on your journey to the big 4-0, everyone from your dad to your auntie to your best friend cheered you on when you chose your education over early motherhood or that you chose your career over an early marriage. Never mind that you have enough patience and life experience to actually do a great job parenting someone at this age. And never mind that your career is advanced far enough that you can actually contribute financially to a household with children. Never mind that you wanted to have the marriage FIRST and THEN have the children. Oh, and heaven forbid that your goal was to have all of your children by ONE man or woman.

If you’re anywhere near 40 years old or older, honey, you’re screwed. This is mostly about the ladies, but applies to men, too. Society says you’re single, care-free and have no “real” responsibility in life. Society says you can’t possibly be tired after a long day at work because you don’t have the second job of caring for kids, a husband and a household. Society says YOU can shorten your lunch break or stay at work late because the mothers and fathers in the workplace need to leave early for everything from parent-teacher night to a fever in 3rd period to getting immunizations before school starts.

Now, before every single mom and single father or married couple jumps my ass for the paragraph above, hear me when I say, I don’t negate any of the above things. They’re all legitimate. After all, I once was the kid who needed her mommy in the middle of the work day. So, it’s important that parents be able to “parent” even during work hours.

The problem is thinking that us single folks don’t deserve similar consideration. And oftentimes, we don't get that consideration.

The problem is your own parents looking at you as if you’re suddenly less accomplished because you got the degree but not the family.

The problem is people assuming you’ve got all the free time in the world because you’re single and childless.

The problem is people reducing singles to being too handsome or too pretty to be…single. So, if I wasn’t pretty it would be okay? I’m not going there…that’s a whole ‘nother issue!

Since when did being single make a person a pariah? And for those of you who need some spiritual guidance on this matter, take some time to read 1 Corinthians 7:8, 25-40. I’m not going to tell you what it says. Go find it yourself if this topic is important enough to you.

So, I said all that to say…ease up on the single person who has no kids. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with us. We simply made choices that put us in society’s minority. It doesn’t mean anything is weird, off-base, outta whack, off-kilter, unbalanced or in need of a diagnosis and psychotropic prescription medication. At this age, we’ve had enough of the instant judgements and under-handed insults.

Just be happy that we’re working, contributing to society and not sitting up on “Maury” trying to figure who’s the father!!!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.





Monday, October 31, 2011

The Power of the Pussy


Here's a Relationship Revelations Quickie:

Why don't women understand the power they have when it comes to sex and relationships? Men don't get the goodies unless we GIVE THEM THE GOODIES! If some women would stop giving the goodies away and stop acting like they HAVE TO BE the "clean up woman" when another woman and her man aren't getting along, then women could put an end to some men's doggish ways. This is really a no-brainer...some men get away with cheating because WOMEN LET THEM!!!

I know there will be those women who will argue that I'm dead wrong and they'll jump down my throat for saying it. But it's kind of like opening your window and placing your best diamonds and gold jewelry on the window sill, then blaming the crook who stole them. I mean, REALLY!?!?! Who's fault is that? Don't make it so easy for a thief to take the jewelry and you won't feel like you were robbed and victimized!

Your vagina is no different. Stop making it so easy to slide into, and you won't feel so victimized, used, undervalued and straight-up foolish.



Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

HE DIDN’T TELL ME HE WAS MARRIED!


This kind of man knows what he wants; he wants to step outside of his marriage and have hot sex with another woman. Sure, he’s wrong. But the man has a goal in mind. And if you’re dumb enough to fall for the “okey doke”…is it really his fault?
Gaggles of girlfriends in Houston, Los Angeles, South Africa, Great Britain and a slew of cities around the world have undoubtedly had a conversation about the dog of a dude one of them ran across. And among them there’s always one who says, “He didn’t tell me he was married!”

To that, I respond: “Child, please. Did you ask?”

Honey, I’m not riding my high horse today. And I’m not taking the high road either. In other words, I’m not going to blame that evil man who is about to cheat on his wife with YOU! Hell, he has a plan and he’s sticking to it. And this man is out there. He’s very real. So, arguing about how “wrong” he is for his intentions to “get it on” is a moot point right now.

The point of this revelation is to highlight a woman’s culpability in her own relationships with men. Basically, at some point, women cannot play victim any more. At some point, sistas of all shades and ethnicities have to grow up and accept that sometimes, it is what it is. Men cheat. Men play games. Men manipulate. And to be fair to the fellas, I’ll switch it up. Women cheat. Women play games (more so than the men). And women are master manipulators.

Today’s message is specifically for the ladies because I have yet to hear a grown ass man complain, “She didn’t tell me she was married.”  I promise you the man who makes this declaration is getting his butt beat in the club parking lot by his buddies!

For real…ladies, you can’t always blame the men for what they do. You sometimes have to blame yourself for not digging deeper. If he didn’t tell you he was married, you have to look at yourself and admit…YOU DIDN’T ASK!!! Seriously, you ask the Macy’s shoe salesman more questions about how many coupons you can combine than you ask a man questions about who he is. Women ask more questions about how to apply MAC Makeup than they ask about a man’s availability. Women put more energy into picking the right hair weave than they do investigating a man’s interest in an actual relationship. No doubt, you see where I’m going with this.

Here’s an example. I’ve got a beautiful cousin who allowed me to share her story with Relationship Revelations readers. Bottom line: Her husband cheated on her. At the time, she was a career Registered Nurse who worked the night shift. And while she was out burning the midnight oil, he was in bed having phone sex with some trollop across town. This witch eventually got into my cousin’s husband’s cell phone and called her up…ON DA JOB!!!

They ultimately exchanged a lot of words and I’ll let you fill in the blanks yourself. But the conversation hit a low point when the heifer said, “He’s always on the phone with me every night for hours. He never told me he was married. He never mentioned you!”

My cousin snapped back, “Shit, did you ask?!?! Have you ever been to MY house?? NO! You’ve never been to MY house to see MY husband, because if you had you’d see MY picture every-damned-where!!!”

And my cousin was right. That dummy can’t claim she was a victim. The man didn’t put a gun to her head to keep her moanin’ and groanin’ on the phone like a horny , hormonal teenager. He had a plan, played his game and got those panties!

Yet all she had to do was ask, “Are you married?”

Now, I can already sense some readers yelling at the computer screen about the fact that the guy can lie and not answer honestly. And, that’s true. But if a woman asks this question and if the man lies, this takes the responsibility OFF of the woman’s shoulders. And until she asks the question, the responsibility is all hers. (I’ve purposely chosen NOT to comment on the multitude of ways to look a guy’s info up online. I’ll leave that to readers to share!)

Besides, when you first meet a person, they’re not gonna blurt out, “Hi, my name is Rufus. It’s nice to meet you, too. I’m married.”

I mean, who does that?

I’m going to put a bow on this thing and wrap it up. If you’re in your 20s and going through this, you’ll learn. If you’re in your 30s and going through this, you’ll get over it. And if you’re in your 40s and 50s going through this, your ass is just a glutton for punishment. Don’t let the “fine” fool ya, girl. Catch a clue. Ask the easy questions. And spare yourself a whole lot of drama!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

STOP THE FACEBOOK FUCKERY!!!


A good man is NOT hard to find. Just ask one of the thousands of women who are doing their damnedest on a daily basis to get with some other woman’s good man!

If that flew by you, try this…

Countless numbers of women are chasing after men who are…oh, how can I phrase this…ALREADY IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS!!! And these women are using Facebook like a farmer’s market to go shopping for the man they want! The problem is these men already have the woman they want and aren’t interested in cheating.

This, my friends, is what I refer to as Facebook Fuckery! And it’s got to stop!

Since the economy has hit rock bottom and people are no longer paying to use dating websites, they’ve turned to Facebook to find the one they want.

Here’s what’s happening: I know of several men – both real life friends and Facebook acquaintances – who have been approached by women interested in dating them regardless of their Facebook status. First they like what they see – an attractive profile photo. So, they start browsing through all the man’s photo albums to check him out in his environment and any clues to his material possessions (cars, house, etc.). If they like what they see overall, they give the status a glance. If he’s involved and doesn’t post the name of his significant other, these desperate divas begin scrolling down the man’s Wall to see who’s commenting or hitting the “Like” button most often. From there, they begin working their way through all the women on the man’s Friends List, sending out Friend Requests like Bed Bath & Beyond shoots out coupons in the mail!

Then innocent female friends like me get frantic phone calls and text messages warning me not to friend this girl and be on the lookout for Inbox messages from that girl. Now, I’m not going to put anyone on blast TODAY, but trust and believe I’ve got a loooonnnng list of women I’ve been warned about. And true to form, they’ve all come a-knockin’ trying to dig up information on the man of their desires.

One woman who wasn’t on my Friend List even began our Inbox dialogue by telling me she’d been a jump-off for 19 years and she wasn’t even 40 years old yet. You do the math! That means this chick had never been in a committed relationship of her own for more than 6 months. She’d always been the sideline girl. And true to form, she was digging around to see if a male Facebook friend was my man. She played nice with me online, but constantly messaged my 25-yr high school friend asking him things like, “Are you fucking Ms. Guillory?”

Clearly, she doesn’t know me. Hell, I would’ve preferred she asked me that question straight out and spared me the bull about being a 19-year jump-off, but that’s neither here nor there.


Ladies (notice, this is the first time I’ve called y’all that), leave these
“good,” involved, committed, dedicated husbands and fathers alone! These women have the nerve to complain to their girlfriends and mommas that they want a good man. They spend hours in church every Wednesday and Sunday praying to God to send them a good man, trying to convince the Good Lord they’re ready to receive the one he’s made special just for them.

But have any of these lifetime members of the Jump-Off Crew stopped to think for a moment? If that committed man gets with them while he’s still with another…is he still a good man? Think about it. Hell no! The moment a man entertains this mess or gets with one of these women, he’s a cheater and a liar and a dog! So, what’s the point? If he’ll do it WITH you, then he’ll do it TO you. Right?

So, to you ladies I say, “Stop the Facebook Fuckery!”

Facebook is a social networking site. It’s not a dating website. It’s not a swingers' site. It’s not even intended for lonely divorcees to comfort one another. It’s just a medium for being social, not shopping for the next happy home you’re going to break up.

I’ve got a good friend who will remain anonymous who shared his personal Facebook policy with me. He said: “Mish, if I’ve been intimate with a woman, I won’t honor her friend request. It brings too much drama.”

He went on to add that these same women will call him up and ask why he hasn’t accepted their Friend Request. His response? “Because you can do what you just did – call me.” Smart man.

The bottom line is you must learn to respect love if you’re going to receive it. If you want a good man, then get a good man who is AVAILABLE. Stop trying to be a super sleuth on Facebook so you can befriend and then betray a lady in an effort to steal her and man.

To the men who try to stop these women, thank you. And women…be warned. The next one of you who Inboxes me trying to backdoor your way to some information about an involved man is getting OUTTED!!! I’m mentioning names, dates and times.

Try me.

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

10 Rules For The Jump-Off


  1.  Do not expect to be able to reach that man after 6 p.m.  Kids are coming home from soccer practice or the “first family” is sitting down to dinner.  And don’t bother texting…the phone will be smooth turned off. In fact, did you ever consider that you may be the only one calling the number he gave you?
  2. When Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve and Valentine’s Day roll around, find something else to do because on those days, your so-called man won’t be doing you. He’ll be with his family being a stellar husband and father on those days. However, Labor Day, Veterans Day and President’s Day are all yours, honey! How do you feel about Kwanzaa?
  3. Your coochie isn’t magical. Sure, it’s probably all that, a bag of chips, a pickle and a Monte Cristo sandwich. And I’d bet my next paycheck he tells you that crap, too. But that’s to keep that silly little smile on your face while giving you the false hope that your goodies are good enough to make him leave wifey. (Skip to Rule #10.)
  4. If he happens to take you out in public, don’t get it twisted. You two are not an item. This is to keep you happy and quiet. Consider where you’re going – dark bars, obscure little restaurants, movies, trips out of town
  5. Understand that the friends he’s introducing you to are the same knucklehead “potnas” who are probably cheating on their wives and girlfriends, too. This does not mean you’ve made it into his inner circle. Have you been introduced to any women?
  6. Don’t get excited because he happens to stay on the phone after 10 p.m. with you. Has it ever crossed your simple mind that the wife’s most likely out-of-town or does shift work? (Nurses, bartenders, etc.)
  7. Pay no mind when he complains about his wife or girlfriend to you. It’s all just part of the game. Here’s what he’s doing: As long as he can make you believe you’re not the reason he’s stepping out on the wife and kids and that you’re not the one interfering in a happy home, it’s easier for him to get into them panties! In all likelihood, everything at the house is just fine and you’re the one offering up some variety in his sex life.
  8. Piggybacking on Rule No. 7, the jump-off must know that the man’s complaining about the wife’s sex game is part of HIS game. Complaining about her will more than likely make you give a porn-star performance that would make Heidi Fleiss hire you on the spot!
  9. Don’t call the wife trying to blow up the spot. First of all, you’re probably not the first jump-off he’s had so she’s ready for you. Second, he’ll go Titanic on you (“It’s every man for himself!”) and save his own ass by denying your ass!
  10. Whether your man is married or only has a girlfriend, do not expect it to turn into a relationship. Remember, you’re the chick he’s cheating with…which makes you a cheater in his eyes. He’ll never trust you anyway. So, why are you a jump-off again?

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Us Ladies Say Some Stupid Shyt!

It never fails. Some woman somewhere says this stupid phrase: "A piece of a man is better than no man." Has it never occurred to one of these ladies that a "piece" of a man has the ability to destroy "all" of her? These same women will also say, "I don't care what he's doing, as long as he's good to me."

REALLY?!?!?

-- So, he can be married with a family and you don't care as long as he's good to you?
-- He can be a serial dater and have the keys to your place without you having his, but as long as he's good to you it's all good?
-- He can see you every third Tuesday on a leap year. But as long as you're treated well on those raggedy days, you're fine with it?
-- He's got photos on his Facebook page with every hottie on the planet EXCEPT for you, but...aw hell, you know what I'm saying!

Women, catch a clue. You're giving up ALL of you -- your time, your body, your money, your home. You should get ALL of your man in return.

Catch a clue so you can catch a better man!!!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.





Tuesday, June 14, 2011

How About Dinner & Some Dick?


Don't you find it odd that some women feel obligated to "give it up" after being treated to dinner and a movie? I mean, we receive more for our birthday and Christmas and feel less obligation to give anything back. So, why do we allow ourselves to feel any kind of pressure for a grilled chicken breast, steamed vegetables, fresh bread and whatever flick Denzel's got playing this summer?

What is it about receiving dinner and a movie that means a man can receive your cookies???

If you believe your worth fits on a 12" plate, then you need to go back and reassess your value, your self-esteem. You don't need to be dating, you need to be in counseling!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.









Monday, June 6, 2011

The Devil Is Busy

The workplace is a breeding ground for the devil to get busy! Misunderstandings. Gossip. Jealousy. They all run rampant. And it's freaking exhausting! Why do people continue to let the devil use them like that? Just go to work, and actually WORK. I mean, just get it done and SHINE! Stop the workplace madness!!!


Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Two Sentences Can End a Relationship

I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day. He's going through a divorce and was recalling some of the advice he'd gotten over the years about marriage and making it work.

While he couldn't quite remember who told him this piece of advice, he's never forgotten the words: "It only takes two sentences to end a relationship."

Intrigued, I took the bait. "What sentences are those," I asked.

So, he gave me an example:

Woman says: "I want a divorce!"
Man says: "Fine. Send me the papers. I'll sign anything!"

My friend explained that if you say the wrong thing or make an idle threat, you may live to eat those words. Your partner may just call your bluff and then call it quits!

If you say it mean it. And if you're not ready to back it up...then shut up.

Peace y'all!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Instructions On Waiting For The Man God Has For You



While waiting on your Boaz, ladies, don't settle for any of his relatives:


Brokeaz
Poaz
Lyingaz
Cheatingaz
Dumbaz
Downlowaz
Fakeaz
Cryingaz
Lockedupaz
Goodfornothingaz
Lazyaz
and especially his distant third cousin...
Beatyoaz!!!

Please, please, please wait on your Boaz! 



He also needs to respect yoaz!!!

(And yes, that's Barack & Michelle on their wedding day.)

Monday, May 23, 2011

Are You Really THAT Great of a Woman?



Time and time again, I've heard women say: "I don't understand why he's fooling around with other women when he knows he's already got a great woman -- ME!"

Baby girl, get a clue!



Anyone who was truly great never REALLY had to tell anyone about their greatness. (Okay, so Muhammad Ali is the exception here.) But you never hear Oprah bragging. Prince doesn't call himself "His Royal Badness." And you never see Pres. Obama talking about his status. For crying out loud, Jesus didn't even spend time trying to convince people of his greatness...and he's the one person who could!


Let me put it to you like this: If you were that great of a woman, you'd know it's not the wisest use of your time trying to convince a man who doesn't agree with you.


Peace!


Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Here's Why I Don't Worry About My Man Cheating

Here's Why I Don't Worry About My Man Cheating

I don't worry about my man cheating because worrying about it isn't going to stop him if he wants to do it. I'm not around him at all times of the day. There's PLENTY of opportunity for anyone to cheat if they want to. So, what's my worrying going to do to stop it?

A married girlfriend shared this wisdom with me several years ago...and they've been together 10 years.

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Do You REALLY Want A GOOD Man?

Do You REALLY Want A GOOD Man?


1) If you really want a good man in your life, stop being so suspicious of him when you meet him. Good guys don't have ulterior motives. They don't want to lure you in so they can lock you down.

2) If you've had a string of bad relationships or even abusive ones, and this makes you suspicious of good men who approach you, then take a break from dating. Give yourself a chance to give that GOOD MAN a chance!!!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Monday, May 16, 2011

A Common Mistake Women Make With Men


Ladies, embarrassing your man in public is a no-no! I see girlfriends do this all the time, then wonder why their man has an attitude the rest of the night. Jokes shared at home between the two of you are best left AT HOME! Mentions of his crooked left baby toe are off limits when you're in front of company. 



Sure, men are the stronger sex, but their egos cannot tolerate public embarrassment. Make your man look good in public, and he'll make you feel good all the time! 


Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

If You're Depressed...

Depressed people think it's difficult to be happy. They may have a happy moment here and there, but find it challenging to maintain those happy feelings. But have you ever noticed that happy people feel the same way about being depressed? They just can't stay depressed for long. Even after a problem presents itself, before they know it, they're right back to recognizing their blessings and being happy!

To the depressed person: Put in the time and the effort to find your happiness. It's worth the work to be in a happy place!!!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Friday, May 13, 2011

I Think My Lover is Cheating on Me

If you have a "sinking feeling" that your lover or spouse is cheating on you...why stick around long enough to drown?
Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Could You Be Married…And Celibate for Life? – Relationship Revelation 25


We were about to have a serious argument. I mean a damned throw down! If I heard this man say one more freakin’ time, “she made me do it,” I was going to scream!  And then I was going to rip his head off and scream at it some more as I rolled it across the floor like a bowling ball!

My friend was in the beginning stages of a divorce, so he was deep into that venting phase where he would easily share all the messy details of an 18-year marriage gone terribly wrong. And then he did it again. He said it: “I’m just saying -- she made me do it.”

That cut it!!!


(Children under 18 years of age should stop reading right…about…HERE!)

I couldn’t take it anymore. It was time to get very real with my friend. “What did your wife have to do with you placing your penis into another woman’s vagina?” I asked, on the verge of launching an apocalyptic verbal assault on behalf of scorned women everywhere whose husbands had ever cheated on them.

“You made an independent decision to have sex outside your marriage!” I fired at him. “Now how is that your wife’s fault?”

As I waited for an answer, I kept thinking, “This had better be good.” And it was.

He said, “I just couldn’t be married to a woman I was still attracted to, that I wanted to make love to and had to sleep next to every night and be celibate for life. Could you?”

Oh snap! I was ready to obliterate my friend. Honey, I was about to launch a verbal tirade that would have made Richard Pryor, Sommore, Andrew Dice Clay and Adele Givens hit the “censor” button! I was ready to lay into this man and make him pay for every girl in the world whose man had ever gone astray. But I was stumped. He got me. I was cornered.

What the hell do you say in response to that?

Could I be married to the man I loved, with whom I’d once enjoyed a good sex life, still desired and had to lay next to every night, but never have sex again because HIS libido or desire for me had waned?  Damn.

Right about then, all I could hear in my head was André 3000 asking, “Forever? Forever-ever?? Forever-ever???”

The man wasn’t trying to make a case for cheating. He wasn’t saying, “If my wife won’t give it to me then someone else will.” He knew what he did was dead wrong. He never said it wasn’t. According to him, they stopped having regular sex less than five years into the marriage. At the time they were young, in their early 20s. So you know his sex drive was in high gear. She had already had one of their three kids. It’s not like they weren’t sexually active. But as he tells it, the sex slowly started to wane after their first child. She wasn’t really interested in it anymore and when asked why she didn’t want to have sex she would say “I don’t need it as much as you” or “I don’t know.” There wasn’t any medical reason for it, either. They explored that possibility, too. He said he’d begged her off and on for more than four years, getting it only occasionally.

But more than that, you should’ve seen him tell the story of when it actually happened. He sort of looked like Steve Brady telling his wife Miranda Hobbs he’d cheated on her in the first Sex and the City movie. My friend looked genuinely disgusted with himself as he relived the event. He described the way he felt the very moment it was over. He said he felt mortified immediately after the urge was satisfied -- he hadn’t even got up yet. He wasn’t proud of what he’d done, but his young 20-something self gave in to hormones and urges. Back then, when it was over, he had to come to grips with just how human and fallible he was. Today, more than a decade later, he accepts that about himself.

I can already hear some Relationship Revelations readers saying, “Yeah, but there’s two sides to every story.” And you’d be right.

Okay, so let’s play devil’s advocate and consider the wife’s point of view for a moment. What if she argued he wanted sex too much and was just plain worn out? Well, that shouldn’t have been a surprise. He would’ve had some sort of libido during their dating years. It’s not like they met one week and married the next week. She would have known that about him already. Or what if he’s lying about his wife’s dying libido and she was really breaking him off more than Heidi Fleiss was scheduling johns back in the day? What if he just cheated on her and he’s trying to put the onus on her back? Honestly, we’ll never know who’s telling the truth.

But what if everything he said was true? What if she really did lose her desire to have sex? What if he really was begging and pleading with his wife and she continued to shun him, secure in the fact that this was her husband and he wasn’t going to stray because their wedding vows said he would forsake all others? Sure, they took vows. They made a promise before God and man, family and friends. They signed papers recognized by the state. Him for her and her for him. All for one and one for all…right?

But the question still stands can YOU (the person reading this blog post) be married to someone you’re still sexually attracted to and be celibate for life? Is that scenario something you sign up for when you marry someone? Is that a part of “for better or for worse?” Because baby, if you enjoy sex…that’s the worst!

Then these other questions started creeping into my mind. Like, do spouses have a responsibility, a duty even, to be available to each other sexually? Some say yes, referring to the biblical passage of 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

The New International Version reads like this: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Look, I’m no preacher. I’m not trying to convince anyone that what my friend did as a young married man was right or justified. He was wrong. And I’m certainly not trying to provide a “the perfect excuse” for any other husband looking to justify having sex outside of his marriage. They'd be wrong, too.

All I’m saying is this: I’m not sure I could be married to the man I love and sexually desire…and be celibate for life. These days, I’m not so quick to judge.

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Go Lookin' for Shit & You'll Step In It -- Relationship Revelation 24

There's nothing like a deranged girlfriend who's ready to kill her husband with a machete to wake you out of a late night stupor!

I'm on my sofa chilling and getting ready to abandon the FX Channel's 2 a.m. presentation of the Transformers movie when my friend calls. She's married, so I'm super confused as to why she's calling at this hour. I mean, aren't married couples into a deep snore and sawing logs by 2 a.m.?

But when she starts talking, it's clear my buddy is three sheets to the wind, plastered, hammered, sauced, schnockered, basically WASTED! Okay, she wasn't that inebriated, but she had been drinking and was a little loopy thanks to the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol! What's most important about this story, however, is what lead her to drink in the first place.

See, what had happened was...

Her and hubby hadn't been seeing eye-to-eye lately. Real talk? They hadn't been seeing "pelvis-to-pelvis" lately either. So, feeling undersexed and a lil' unloved, she got to snooping through her man's things while he was out with the fellas this particular Saturday night. She didn't find anything in the drawers, the pockets or the gym bag, so she did what any nosey woman would do. She went to the computer.

(SIDEBAR: How do women get passwords? How did women suddenly become expert hackers? Voicemail. E-mail. Websites. Blogs. Hell, TiVo ain't even safe! 'Scuse me. Back to the revelation!)

Well, she eventually did hack her way into her husband's e-mail. Inside she found a suspicious e-mail from Lana. My girlfriend went OFF! She screams into the phone, "I don't even know a Lana! But this bitch is telling my husband it's been a while since they spoke and how she'd like to hear back from him soon! And she's telling him she's got some stuff for him to check out!! Some shit about Viagra!!! What is this bitch trying to give my husband???"

In my mind I was thinking, "it sounds like she's trying to get it up so she can put it down!" But you know I didn't say that out loud.

Despite my girl's assumption that Lana and her man had some history, it sounded too general to me. In fact, it sounded like half the junk mail in my Yahoo! e-mail account. I asked her to check out the e-mail address of the sender and to tell me what it said after the "@" sign. (Something like "@cheappills.com" or "@pillsforthrills.com".)

While she's looking this up online, she resumes her rant. Keyboard in one hand and sharpened machete in the other, she's 'bout ready to skip her angry butt up to the club to slice up her husband's tires, smash windshields, key the hell out of the candy paint and take a tire iron to the 22" rims.

"Sweetie, that car has to come back to YOUR house after you destroy it," I said flatly, regaining my interest in Transformers since I was thoroughly awake now. "You sure you want that monstrosity sitting up in your driveway having to explain to the neighbors that you're the one who did it?"

She finally finds the website based on the second part of the sender's e-mail address. Yup! It was some out-of-the-country pharmaceutical site hocking everything from Botox to Viagra. Her husband had been SPAMMED!

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell my friend to put the damned knife down and to calm her ass down. But the big lesson here was that she needed to trust her husband. Any woman can find just about anything if she sets her mind to it. And that includes trying to dig up dirt on her man. And something as innocent as an e-mail can easily be turned into a very big deal.

Next time she goes looking for shit, hopefully she'll remember last time...she stepped in it!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Why Men Clam Up & Women Should Shut Up

Ladies, y'all know how this goes. Something happens that causes tension between you and your man. But the problem is you have no clue what it is.

So, you do what any good woman would do. You ask what's wrong. You try to be encouraging. You might even put in the effort to be extra pleasant until whatever this "thing" is passes. And while you're not quite sure what the hell is going on, one thing's for sure. He's not talking to YOU!!!

It's aggravating isn't it?

Mentally, you're going down a checklist trying to figure out if he's ticked off because Pookie 'nem haven't paid back the money he let them borrow eight loooonnng months ago. You don't know if he's got troubles at work with the new boss he can't seem to make any headway with. Was it the kids getting in-school suspended for the third time this semester? Hell, maybe that last bill collector just got up under your man's skin.

Whatever it is, you're in the dark and it's adding to the tension between you. He's clammed up and he's not opening up. But I've learned that when men do this, us women need to SHUT UP!

Ladies, here me out. It took me years to get to this revelation and it's going to take a few moments to explain.

Men like to think a thing through while women prefer to talk a thing through. Sure, there's exceptions to any rule and life is not a one-size-fits-all gig. But in general, this is very true.

I've seen it time and time again. Men "foxhole," as my fraternity brother once described his behavior a few years ago. He was going through some issues after having gotten his first child's mother pregnant again...14 years later! He'd all but disappeared on me. He wasn't returning phone calls. He wasn't really answering text messages. His issue was that he wasn't married to the mother, but was still out dating and having fun. Then, BOOM! The stork shows up with another bundle of joy.

When I finally do get his butt on the phone, he said it's his tendency to go into his foxhole and sort stuff out. He gave me the usual rhetoric, "It's not about you, soror. Sorry I was ghost on you." At first he attributed his foxholing nature to his zodiac sign -- Cancer, the crab. You know, going back into his shell at the first sign of trouble.

But for me, he was onto something. So, I paid attention and started to notice the same trend.

I recalled a former boyfriend with whom I'd spent New Year's Eve at his mom's house with his family and friends. He wanted to surprise everyone there with a midnight poetry reading. Honey, I just wanted to get out of there and be alone with my man! But the clock kept on ticking and we were still hanging out with the fam. Eventually, we left sometime after midnight. And when we got home, he went straight to the cold-ass garage at 1 o'clocking in the morning. What?!? I asked repeatedly why he was in the garage, but he just didn't wanna talk. So, I went to bed. No man. No good lovin'. Oh, well.

The next morning he told me that I'd thwarted his poetic plans with my repeated requests to go home. But he didn't want to tell me that night because he knew it would start a fight, and that was the last thing he wanted. He was thinking through the issue. He realized it wasn't my fault for wanting alone time with my man because he hadn't shared his plans with me. And I appreciated the thought he'd put into the resolution of our problem. What I didn't appreciate, at the time, was his military silence.

I appreciate it now.

What really sealed the deal on this idea was a sermon delivered by Bishop T.D. Jakes. He wasn't specifically referencing any scriptures. He was just noting that half the men and women that come to him for counseling wouldn't need to be there if they just understood that there are inherent differences between men and women.

Again, men think a thing through and women talk their way through things. We're just wired differently.

Eventually, I thought I'd check this theory with my momma. She said, "That's exactly what men do. Why do you think your dad was always out there on the patio?" I recalled my dad lounging in his lawn chair after work. He'd be in his favorite shorts and flip flops, smoking a cigar and listening to some static-filled AM station's political talk-show. Heck, I thought he was out there for better reception! I never would have guessed he was out there...thinking!

Needless to say, my mom giggled at me when I didn't realize that. She corroborated Jakes' sentiments. And she added that sometimes, we don't always need to be up in a man's face trying to have a girlfriend moment.

For the most part, men don't immediately run to gather input from the guys on how they're going to handle a situation. They come up with a solution, put it into place and let the cards fall where they may. And if they think they need help, they'll ask.

All us ladies need to do is recognize when a man needs a moment, and learn when we need to just...well...shut up.

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

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