HE DIDN’T TELL ME HE WAS MARRIED!

This kind of man knows what he wants; he wants to step outside of his marriage and have hot sex with another woman. Sure, he’s wrong. But the man has a goal in mind. And if you’re dumb enough to fall for the “okey doke”…is it really his fault?

Gaggles of girlfriends in Houston, Los Angeles, South Africa, Great Britain and a slew of cities around the world have undoubtedly had a conversation about the dog of a dude one of them ran across. And among them there’s always one who says, “He didn’t tell me he was married!”

To that, I respond: “Child, please. Did you ask?”

Honey, I’m not riding my high horse today. And I’m not taking the high road either. In other words, I’m not going to blame that evil man who is about to cheat on his wife with YOU! Hell, he has a plan and he’s sticking to it. And this man is out there. He’s very real. So, arguing about how “wrong” he is for his intentions to “get it on” is a moot point right now.

The point of this revelation is to highlight a woman’s culpability in her own relationships with men. Basically, at some point, women cannot play victim any more. At some point, sistas of all shades and ethnicities have to grow up and accept that sometimes, it is what it is. Men cheat. Men play games. Men manipulate. And to be fair to the fellas, I’ll switch it up. Women cheat. Women play games (more so than the men). And women are master manipulators.

Today’s message is specifically for the ladies because I have yet to hear a grown ass man complain, “She didn’t tell me she was married.”  I promise you the man who makes this declaration is getting his butt beat in the club parking lot by his buddies!

For real…ladies, you can’t always blame the men for what they do. You sometimes have to blame yourself for not digging deeper. If he didn’t tell you he was married, you have to look at yourself and admit…YOU DIDN’T ASK!!! Seriously, you ask the Macy’s shoe salesman more questions about how many coupons you can combine than you ask a man questions about who he is. Women ask more questions about how to apply MAC Makeup than they ask about a man’s availability. Women put more energy into picking the right hair weave than they do investigating a man’s interest in an actual relationship. No doubt, you see where I’m going with this.

Here’s an example. I’ve got a beautiful cousin who allowed me to share her story with Relationship Revelations readers. Bottom line: Her husband cheated on her. At the time, she was a career Registered Nurse who worked the night shift. And while she was out burning the midnight oil, he was in bed having phone sex with some trollop across town. This witch eventually got into my cousin’s husband’s cell phone and called her up…ON DA JOB!!!

They ultimately exchanged a lot of words and I’ll let you fill in the blanks yourself. But the conversation hit a low point when the heifer said, “He’s always on the phone with me every night for hours. He never told me he was married. He never mentioned you!”

My cousin snapped back, “Shit, did you ask?!?! Have you ever been to MY house?? NO! You’ve never been to MY house to see MY husband, because if you had you’d see MY picture every-damned-where!!!”

And my cousin was right. That dummy can’t claim she was a victim. The man didn’t put a gun to her head to keep her moanin’ and groanin’ on the phone like a horny , hormonal teenager. He had a plan, played his game and got those panties!

Yet all she had to do was ask, “Are you married?”

Now, I can already sense some readers yelling at the computer screen about the fact that the guy can lie and not answer honestly. And, that’s true. But if a woman asks this question and if the man lies, this takes the responsibility OFF of the woman’s shoulders. And until she asks the question, the responsibility is all hers. (I’ve purposely chosen NOT to comment on the multitude of ways to look a guy’s info up online. I’ll leave that to readers to share!)

Besides, when you first meet a person, they’re not gonna blurt out, “Hi, my name is Rufus. It’s nice to meet you, too. I’m married.”

I mean, who does that?

I’m going to put a bow on this thing and wrap it up. If you’re in your 20s and going through this, you’ll learn. If you’re in your 30s and going through this, you’ll get over it. And if you’re in your 40s and 50s going through this, your ass is just a glutton for punishment. Don’t let the “fine” fool ya, girl. Catch a clue. Ask the easy questions. And spare yourself a whole lot of drama!

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