Don't Ask a Fat Woman If She's Pregnant

Kiss my grits!!!

Turning 40 is a bitch! Especially if you're a single woman who isn't married, doesn't have children and you're the only one in your family like that. Let me tell you, it can be a tough time. Family and friends are giving you the side-eye wondering, "What is wrong with her?" and "What's she waiting for?"

I was talking to a girlfriend this evening who's going through a roller coaster of emotions because she's not satisfied with where her life is as she crosses this milestone. Like so many of my friends in the same boat, she's quick to say, "This isn't where I thought I would be at this age." Heck, I even said the same thing to myself. And she's not unjustified in thinking that...40 creeps up on ya FAST!

Then I stopped her dead in her tracks to remind her that her circumstance isn't entirely her fault. There's an entire rundown of factors that don't have anything to do with her that are also contributing to her current state of affairs. Here's a few:

1) She's meeting men who are trying to live out their P. Diddy dreams and run through women like a rapper runs through video hoes.

2) She's meeting men who are divorced and their respective ex-wives have drained them financially and mentally and they're too scared (or bitter) to try again.

3) She's competing with the shameful abundance of women who will give up the coochie in exchange for a paid light bill or cell phone bill or even a lobster dinner.

4) The pool of men is reduced by wannabe George Clooney's (i.e. confirmed bachelors) and the growing numbers of homosexual men. (NOTE: This is not a slight about being homosexual. It's simply a notation that it's a contributing factor to the shrinking pool of men available for women.)

The sad part was that I heard myself reassure her that membership in THIS club is growing, honey.  I wish it wasn't.

But then my brain kicked in and I shared with her some of the things I came to realize as I approached and passed the 40-year milestone. For example, if you give too much credence to what other people might be saying about you or what they must be thinking about you, you will drive yourself insane! So, don't worry about it.

One of my favorite responses to people who ask me, "Mish, what are you waiting for?" is to respond, "Why are you rushing me into marriage when (in Texas) 50% of married people are RUSHING TO GET OUT?!?!?"

Duh!

Some of those ignorant ass questions that people ask us singles, to me, are like asking a fat woman when she's expecting to give birth. Don't ask that shit. Leave it alone. Lol!

So, to my friend I would encourage you to enjoy turning 40 years old and have an absolute blast!! It's a wonderful time. You're smarter. You're wiser. You've established yourself as a woman and you've established your career. Keep in mind there are women out there who wish they were in YOUR shoes. So, don't worry about the shoes you think you're supposed to be wearing and enjoy wearing the stilettos you're in.

She's Not Just a Smoker

When you begin a relationship, you usually start off with a one- or two-word label to describe the one you're dating. Baby mama, divorcee, smoker, drinker, drop-out, etc.

It's funny when we label people how those early descriptions are almost never kind like great mom, paying child support, recovering addict, in GED classes, community volunteer, etc.

And we usually follow up those negative descriptors with a statement like, "I can't date a woman who smokes." Or maybe we say, "I can't date a man with kids."

But you move forward anyway and you take a chance and date the "smoker" anyway. Then one day it hits you after dating the "baby daddy" for a while...he's not just a baby daddy. He' so much more than that simple label he started off with. He spends quality time with his kids; he volunteers in his community; he helps his disabled mother; he's recognized for excellence at work.

And if you really stopped for a moment and thought about it, you'd realize that putting quick labels on a person will keep you from finding a great person...maybe even the right person.

-- Mish RelationshipRevelations Gal on Facebook
-- RevelationGal on Twitter

Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved

Emotional Baggage Will Be Unpacked

UNDERSTAND THIS ABOUT BAGGAGE: All luggage is eventually unpacked. When you're in a new relationship, in particular, don't let neatly packed baggage tucked away in a corner fool you. One piece at a time, each bag will be opened. Some bags will spill open, with the owner leaving the contents strewn about everywhere. Remember this...luggage/baggage is not storage. It will be emptied. Can you deal with what's in your partner's bags?

-- Mish RelationshipRevelations Gal on Facebook
-- RevelationGal on Twitter

Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Flaws & All

"There's nothing like hitting your stride in a relationship. It's that moment when you realize the pointless bickering has stopped and you simply accept each other...flaws and all."

-- Mish RelationshipRevelations Gal on Facebook
-- RevelationGal on Twitter

Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

I'd Rather You Piss Me Off Sometimes, Than Make Me Happy All The Time

Beware the woman or man who says EVERYTHING you ever wanted to hear. The happiest couples, whether married or only dating, will tell you their significant other has said some of the most jacked up shit they've ever heard. Sometimes it's insulting, sometimes it's infuriating, sometimes it's insensitive. But these same couples will tell you that getting through THOSE moments is what's made them better.

What I'm saying is to be cautious when you're dating someone who seems "too good to be true." Old sayings get to be old sayings for a reason. If it seems too good to be true, then it's too good to be true. I've been there and done that and given too much of my life to the wrong man. And if knew then what I know now, I'd have run like Speedy Gonzalez in a race with the Road Runner!

Meep Meep!!! Andale Andale!










Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

From One-Night-Stand to You're The One!

Everyday, I meet miserably single women who question whether they'll meet Mr. Right. And I've heard it all. These ladies have said everything from, "I am one step away from being a lesbian" to "It's official -- I'm gong to become a nun and marry Jesus."

Then they start to question sex -- how fast they gave it up, how long they made the guy wait for it, how much experience they have, whether they're giving it up enough and if celibacy is the key. 

Truth is...there is no right answer. Sure, if you live according to biblical teachings and principles then you should abstain from sex and wait for marriage to engage in sex and then be sure to satisfy your husband's needs and vice versa. But if you're like millions of single ladies who are already having premarital sex and are questioning how sex should be handled in a relationship...well, I can't help you. 

Why?

Because I know women who have been successfully married for 5, 10 and 20+ years who all had WIDELY different sexual experiences prior to their SUCCESSFUL marriages. 

One lady I know was a virgin when she met her husband, who was a virgin, too. And they decided to wait until after marriage before having sex. They're still together to this day, just as attracted to each other today as they were all those years ago. You should know this couple definitely does things to keep it fresh in the bedroom and they should win an award for "getting it in" like they do! 

Another blissfully married couple I know actually never intended to do more than enjoy each other as sex buddies. Who knew it would evolve into love and a fantastic family. (They've got some great kids!)

I know yet another couple that literally thought they'd only be a one-night stand to one another. Eight years, three children and a house later, they're still "lookin' so crazy in love," to quote Beyonce. 

This is another short-but-sweet blog entry. My only purpose here is to tell you to find your own path to love. Don't worry so much about what it is you think you're "supposed" to do when it comes to sex and love. You do what's right for you and your relationship with God. And if you're Agnostic, then you do what feels right for you. 

Bottom line: There is no real secret formula, one-size-fits-all approach for sex and the successful relationship.

Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

A Warning from a Divorced Man

"When your husband suggests you two go to counseling, just know that -- for him -- divorce is already an option."

-- Richard Molette, Relationship Revelations Reader






Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Learning the Man Code: Lemme Put the Tip In

Let's just give credit where credit is due: The men play a better game than women do when it comes to getting what they want from the opposite sex. Sure, the ladies do their fair share of diggin' in them pockets. But gold-diggin' women aren't running through men at the same rate that the men are gettin' into the panties. For every one man a woman tricks into pay for her light bill, that same man has probably run through 10 to 20 women to get their goodies. And I'm being modest with that number.

But what confuses me is WHY this is still happening during a time in our history when too much of "The Man Code" is on display and already decoded. It's not hidden anymore. Girls don't have to guess what some men think of them anymore or what their motives are. So, where's the code?

It's in the music!

Check out the first verse of a song by rapper Plies titled "Just the Tip" featuring Ludacris:

We ain't gotta do nothing, Just Let me put the head inAin't gon' move for nothing though, I'm dead seriousHow 'bout 2 or 3 pumps - 3 that's it If I don't make you feel good at first then I'll quitWhy you tripping? Move your hand out the way real quickWhy you always laughing, kee-keeing and bullshittin'If you love me you'll let me do it, I'm just sayingTake them off or pull them to the side stop playingTell the truth I make you feel good e'rytimeIt ain't my fault girl, You shouldn't be so damn fineLet me put it in though for the hundredth timeI ain't gon' keep on begging I'ma ask you for the last timeYou don't got to do nothing, You can just lay thereYou ain't gotta throw it back or nothing, I don't even careI don't even do you like that, You don't play fairHmph! I knew you was gon' let me in there!


The song ends with the artist asking, "You still love me?"

Well, damn! If you're clueless after reading that, then I can't help you! But seriously, this is what today's young women (and some gullible older ones) are fighting against -- the pop culture subtext that says all a man needs from a woman is sex.

Back in the day, ladies were left in the dark about the script men were running and what men were saying in the locker rooms. But today, we've got songs all over the radio telling us to let men put the head in, bend it over, make it clap, twerk it and touch our toes. Hell, it sounds like freakin' aerobics! What's worse is they've got music videos to make it perfectly clear if you missed a lyric or two. But today, women and especially young women have absolutely no excuse to be unaware of some levels of game men are playing.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad at these men at all. They're just telling the truth. If I was to be mad at anyone, it's these women who act like they DON'T know what's going on and play victim when they get their egos "knocked down" (pun intended). Not all men are dogs and not all men are out to get into the panties, but if you're not sure...just listen to the music!

Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

A Valentine's Day Wish

If you're by yourself today
don't worry about being with no one.
Instead, celebrate the fact 

that you're not with the WRONG ONE!!! 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!












Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. 
All rights reserved.

A DOG Will Do What a Real MAN Won't

Ladies, this one is really simple and plain: A DOG will do what a MAN won't do. That's what makes his doggish ass so appealing.

Still confused? Consider this:

-- A dog will manage to call you all the time - day or night - and talk for hours (because he's keeping tabs on you).
-- A man is too busy working and tending to his responsibilities to stay on the phone with you.

-- A dog will inquire about all your friends all the time (because he's keeping tabs on you).
-- A real man will keep up with your closest buddies and doesn't have time to remember the rest.

-- A dog won't tell you where he's going or what he's doing, but will always ask this information of you (because he's keeping tabs on you).
-- A real man is more concerned that you're safe than with the coordinates of your exact latitude and longitude.

In case you didn't pick up on the pattern, a gullible woman can assume that dog is into her and her friends and her activities. Sugar, he's keeping tabs on you so he can move around town with his other women and avoid running into your naive ass on the street!

In short, don't justify being with a dog of a man because, "at least he calls me and takes an interest in my friends and what I'm doing."

A wiser choice is to understand where a real man is coming from...it can't always be about YOU.

Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Is It Your Man-Hating Momma's Fault You're Single?

I was talking to my man the other day about bitter bitches. 


Yeah, I know that's harsh but that's what we were talking about. To be honest, we were talking about one bitter bitch in particular. And then we kind of veered off into a general discussion about why Generation X's is so full of single Black women!


We weren't talking about your average single-and-never-been-married women. We were talking about all kinds of single women -- divorced women, engaged-and-broke-it-off women, proposed-to-but-never-accepted-the-proposal women, blah, blah, blah. 


To narrow down that field of women a little bit more, we were talking about bitter Black women. And don't start tripping if you're Anglo, Latina, Asian or Native American and feel excluded. This blog post isn't about you or your experiences. I'm a Black woman and I'm writing about Black women and why I feel many of us are single.

Now, as my man sees it, these women are the products of bitter mothers who somehow passed their nasty attitudes towards men down the genetic line. In other words, momma was a man-hater and she raised her daughter to be a man-hater, too. 


According to my baby, these women were either left to raise a baby with no help from baby-daddy. Or poppa was a rolling stone -- a lady-loving galavanting gigolo -- and cheated on momma regularly.  The bottom line was that mom didn't trust men and raised her daughter to not trust them either. 


And the rhetoric is familiar: 
-- Girl, you don't need no man! 
-- You can do whatever you want without a man's help!
-- Don't depend on a man to get what you want!
-- Learn to take care of yourself!
-- You keep your money to yourself!


As I listened to my guy, my thoughts drifted back to my own situation. I'm 40; I've never been married and I have no children. Yet, my mother was happily married until my father passed away. So, how is it that I ended up in the same sinking boat with my counterparts who have man-hating mommas??? 


Well, in a strange sort of way, my mother told me the same things the bitter moms were saying, just in a different way: 
-- Focus on your education.
-- Have a successful career.
-- Make your own money.
-- Don't depend on anyone for your success/happiness.
-- Take advantage of opportunities and make your own way.


Oddly, the message from my mother and the messages of those other moms are remarkably similar in nature. Both sets of messages are underscored by a push to be independent, self-sufficient, educated and prosperous. 


Then I had a real life revelation about why mothers like mine focused on education and career and spent very little time teaching me about how to get and keep a man. My parents -- some of your parents, too -- lived during a time when segregation was coming to an end and opportunities were just beginning to open up for Black people. So, instead of preaching tradition and focusing on sharpening my domestic skills like cooking, cleaning, child-rearing and managing a household, my momma told me to go out there and get it! 


Our grandparents found the door of opportunity. Our parents managed to turn the door knob. But Generation X was poised to kick that damn door all the way open and snatch every opportunity that lay on the other side. 


And my momma was right! We have a Black president! And in a funky lil' twist of fate, so were the man-hating mommas. Lol!


It's taken me a long time to figure this dating thing out and I don't blame my momma one single solitary bit for molding me into the self-sufficient and resilient woman that I am today. I like who I am and what I can do for myself. I like being able to handle my own life and make good decisions. 


But today I know that while I'm self-sufficient, I've got to learn to let a man help me sometimes. You know, let a brotha open a door and check out my car when the "CHECK ENGINE" light comes on. And while I know how to twist my neck and start and finish ANY argument, I realize that in a relationship it's healthier to embrace our differences and simply agree to disagree. 


To all my Gen X ladies if you want someone in your life, then you've got to open your life up to someone. You can be as independent as progressive mommas like mine wanted you to be and you can be as I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T as your man-hating momma raised you to be. Or you can stop viewing men as the obstacle/enemy, open up your mind and your life and move forward...into a great future with a great relationship. 


That door of opportunity is still W-I-D-E open!


Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Keep Doing This & You'll Keep Being Single in 2012

If you are still single but don't want to be and regularly blame the men in your world for your condition, you can pretty much expect to spend the rest of 2012 alone.

Ladies, some of you don't know how to listen to a man. Think I'm lying? Keep reading.

A girlfriend of mine was dating a man who was still involved with his child's mother. In fact, he was so involved with her that she was listed as his girlfriend on his Facebook page. I'm talking about full-out public acknowledgement with photos of the three of them and everything. In fact, he was living with this woman and his child. One day, my girlfriend and this "taken" man she was dating had a late night rendezvous. When they'd finished canoodling and whatnot, he made a comment about how much he admired her new haircut. He played in it all night running his fingers through it, smelling it and complimenting how the cut fit her face, blah, blah, blah.

So, my friend tells me this rather boring story about how she wasted even more time with this unworthy jerk, telling me about the haircut thing. And she says, "Now, lemme ask you this...what does it mean that he kept playing in my hair and complimenting the cut? GO!"

Without even blinking, I looked at her and said, "Whatchoo mean, what does it mean? Hell, it means that negro likes yo damned haircut."

She circles around for another approach like a commercial jumbo jet making a second attempt at landing. I already know she's hoping I'll go where she's obviously trying to lead me, but I'm not biting. She asks, "No, I mean, what does it mean that he kept playing in my hair? I mean, when he thought I was asleep he kept playing in it. Girl, I think he even smelled my hair! What does it mean? GO!"

I told my girl, "First of all, you gon' stop hollerin' GO like I'm a circus animal performing on cue. Second of all, it means that negro likes your haircut!"

And how does she come back at me? With the craziest thing I think I've ever heard a woman say...EVER.

She says, "Well, I know he has feelings for me. I know he loves me and he just needs to admit that. I don't even know why he's with her. She gets on his nerves anyway. He tells me he can't stand her and he just stays for their daughter."

And you got all this from "I like your haircut?!?!?!" I'd hate to see what would happen if he said he liked her shoes!

The bottom line is that some of us ladies have selective hearing and jacked up interpretations of things men say in plain damned English. He liked her haircut and he told her so. But in her twisted mind, her haircut was something he loved ABOUT her so surely he was falling in love WITH her.

But wait, it gets worse.

What about the guy who is honest enough with a woman to tell her that he's not interested in a long-term relationship or that he's not looking for anything serious. For every one man who says this, there are 20 dumb ass women who think their coochie is sweet enough to change that man's mind.

But here's where it really takes a turn.

In a manipulative effort just to get into this man's world she engages the man in a casual sexual relationship -- friends with benefits, no strings attached. Well, I'm no expert but you don't dangle a steak in front of a hungry dog. And when you put the goodies in front of a man who only wants the goodies...he's gonna grab himself a handful! Meanwhile, she's developing "strings" and attaching them all over the damned place. In other words, she's catching feelings when it was supposed to be a casual thing.

And we all know what happens next...

After a dozen unsuccessful attempts to NICELY break free of this delusional woman who has conjured up a relationship in her mind out of something he views as purely sexual, he's got to resort to being an asshole just to get away from her. (This is the part where all of us girls get together and call the man a dog because YOU dangled the steak in his face and got mad because he took a bite.)

Ladies, keep it simple in 2012 if you want to find a man. In fact, I'll help you.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE ANYMORE,
STOP HAVING SEX WITH MEN WHO TELL YOU THEY DON'T WANT YOU!

Content copyright 2012. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.