It's My Birthday & I'll Chill If I Want To!

Today is my 39th birthday, and though I cringe to put that number in writing, I'm better now than I've EVER been! I am loving who I am and where my life is today. It's a blessing.

But y'all know I don't write these columns to wax poetic about my fabulous life. Truthfully, there's one thing that's bothering the crap out of me about my birthday.

Since when did celebrating another year of blessed life on this great earth mean I had to throw a friggin' party???

I mean, really?

Somewhere along the way, we got it into our heads that if we didn't "do it up right" among a crowd of 300 people -- all of whom would be eating up our food, drankin' down our liquor, smokin' up da joint and messing up carpets and walls and thangs! Okay, so not every party goes like that. Some people have some very "sophisterated" affairs with a classy crowd of friends who know how to respect the upholstery.

Either way, why is a party necessary at all? Do I need to huddle in a dark club, yell over the music, choke on the smoke, stare down chicks mean muggin' me because I accidentally bumped into them just to celebrate my birth? Do I need to open up my home to people and spend the night worrying what stain will magically appear on my carpet two weeks later because no one had the guts to tell me they'd dropped something? (And y'all KNOW it happens this way!!)

My relationships with my friends didn't begin this way, and they won't be maintained this way. For my birthday this year, I have had friends take me to lunch, cook dinner, bake cookies, barbecue chicken, spend time with me and deliver flowers at work. We've talked and laughed and joked and had a good time looking back on our respective friendships and relationships.

I can't do any of that at a massive party or even a mid-sized one. I can't get it in like that at the club.

So, where does it come from...this need to have a birthday BASH rather than celebrating birthdays intimately? After all, I came into the world intimately on my original day of birth. It was just me and mom and pop and a doctor and a couple of nurses. Everyone was NOT in that delivery room hunched down around my momma's privates waiting to blow horns and toss up confetti once I popped out!

The way I see it, all this birthday bash fever comes from a society obsessed with excess.

It's become about showing off how much we have. And it doesn't matter what we're showing off...as long as EVERYONE in the room understands that ours is bigger and better and newer than anyone else's. So, we have to have bigger parties, with more guests on the list with bigger price tags.

What the heck happened to jammin' in the back yard???

And to further add to the foolishness, we're not ashamed to tell you how much this excess costs. I grew up in a time of discretion. You didn't flaunt money like that. You didn't tell people what you spent on something. But when you've got 16-year-old boys having birthday bashes valued at more than $1 million, I can see how some people would want to...well...appear to keep up with the Joneses! (Super-producer L.A. Reid's son Aaron had the most expensive super sweet 16 on record at Mtv. Daddy Reid ran up a tab of $1.4 million. And $1 million of that was just for having Kanye come perform!)

I guess all I'm saying is this...I value the relationships I have with the people I truly call friends. And while parties are fantastic, I don't need one to be reminded that people love me despite all my uptight, quirky Virgo ways.

Retired major league pitcher Vernon Law is quoted as saying: "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." And the lesson that I've learned is that every day God lets me live is another opportunity to celebrate and try to get it right.

Love life everyone!

Content copyright 2010. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

Did Women Fall Off the Pedestal or Get Knocked Off?

"You don't put women on a pedestal. They shit on you from up there!"

That tasty little quote up there is attributable to Sal -- a sarcastic, wise-ass, fast-talking, wannabe mack daddy character in the movie "What Love Is," starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and a host of other very familiar faces. A guy friend invited me over to watch this fantastic movie about men and women's views on love. And Sal, we come to learn, was hurt when he was just 16 years old and hasn't trusted women with his heart since. 

I can't lie, when Sal let those words fly, I died laughing!!! What can I say? It was funny. 

Sal was already on a high-speed, adrenaline-fueled rant that would've made the rapper Twista beg him to slow down! But he ends his warp-speed diatribe about not falling in love by spewing this "boo-boo based" wisdom while red in the face and spitting as he spoke.

Then it hit me...is this what men really think of us ladies? Do they have to stop putting us on pedestals just to keep from getting hurt? Is a weak rap necessary just make sure us ladies don't have hidden motives? Do men have to fudge the truth a little just to get our attention? Have we really turned great guys into...jerks?!?!

Once the movie ended my friend and I resumed a conversation we'd started before we got into the film.

He tells me that women need to give a brotha a break!

I tell him that a brotha should tell the truth from jump...then he might get a break!

You'll never believe what we were bickering about -- rap. To be specific, a man's rap to a woman.

See, what had happened was...

A girlfriend of mine met a man online about 3 months ago. While there was nothing "wrong" with this guy, per se, my girl decided his opening lines, or his rap, were a small piece of a bigger picture. And the picture might not be so pretty.

For starters, the man made it a point to somehow squeeze it into the conversation that he once had a Mercedes-Benz, but traded in his ride for a more fuel-efficient Camry. (Alright, he's saving money and there's nothing wrong about that.) The man then explains that the house he's living in is about to be listed so he can downgrade to an apartment. Of course, this is also in an effort to save money. (She was cool with it -- the country's in a recession.) Some time passes and he's blowing her head up with all kinds of stuff about what he has, who he hangs out with and how he's living. In short, the man is pulling out all the stops covering everything from his occupation to his workout regimen.

So, when she finally meets this former Benz-driving, health-nut, professional work-a-holic he pulls up in a Camry missing half of its hubcaps -- NOT RIMS, I SAID HUB CAPS!!! And the way my girl saw it, he probably never even had a Benz. The way she tells it, if you once had money for a Benz-sized car note, you should at least be able to keep your hubcaps on. Right?

Fast-forward a few months to present day, and another girlfriend of mine meets this same man. And guess what? He drops the same lines. From the Benzo to the house up for sale to the work-out routine. It's clearly his "rap."

But here's where my guy friend steps in. He says us ladies are reading WAY to much into this and to recognize that the man's trying to impress my friends.

Really???

After hearing some sage advice from a very wise girlfriend, I'm now of the school of thought that women should meet men where they are. If a man lives in an apartment and drives a Camry with no hubcaps, then a woman should accept him just like that, rusty lug nuts and all! There's no need to regale a woman with tales of what "once was." Tell a woman where you are NOW so she can appreciate you NOW.

So, really. Who's right here? My girls who don't appreciate this man's unnecessary game? Or this man for thinking he had to approach women with tales of Benzes and Mtv-type cribs in the first place?

Did a culture of greedy, gold-digging women create the need for men to even begin this kind of rap in the first place? Or did this nearly 40-year-old man not evolve his rap -- better yet his game -- as he matured?

Are women being too hard on men and have we forgotten that what's behind a little harmless bragging is just a guy who's scared to death we may reject him cold and hurt his feelings? Did women forget that men are like peacocks -- the male of the species -- and that it's a man's responsibility to do whatever he can to get our attention?

I guess I've got more questions than answers. But in the meantime, fellas don't take us off the pedestal. Just break out your umbrellas for "emergencies."

Peace.

Content copyright 2010. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.