HE DIDN’T TELL ME HE WAS MARRIED!

This kind of man knows what he wants; he wants to step outside of his marriage and have hot sex with another woman. Sure, he’s wrong. But the man has a goal in mind. And if you’re dumb enough to fall for the “okey doke”…is it really his fault?

Gaggles of girlfriends in Houston, Los Angeles, South Africa, Great Britain and a slew of cities around the world have undoubtedly had a conversation about the dog of a dude one of them ran across. And among them there’s always one who says, “He didn’t tell me he was married!”

To that, I respond: “Child, please. Did you ask?”

Honey, I’m not riding my high horse today. And I’m not taking the high road either. In other words, I’m not going to blame that evil man who is about to cheat on his wife with YOU! Hell, he has a plan and he’s sticking to it. And this man is out there. He’s very real. So, arguing about how “wrong” he is for his intentions to “get it on” is a moot point right now.

The point of this revelation is to highlight a woman’s culpability in her own relationships with men. Basically, at some point, women cannot play victim any more. At some point, sistas of all shades and ethnicities have to grow up and accept that sometimes, it is what it is. Men cheat. Men play games. Men manipulate. And to be fair to the fellas, I’ll switch it up. Women cheat. Women play games (more so than the men). And women are master manipulators.

Today’s message is specifically for the ladies because I have yet to hear a grown ass man complain, “She didn’t tell me she was married.”  I promise you the man who makes this declaration is getting his butt beat in the club parking lot by his buddies!

For real…ladies, you can’t always blame the men for what they do. You sometimes have to blame yourself for not digging deeper. If he didn’t tell you he was married, you have to look at yourself and admit…YOU DIDN’T ASK!!! Seriously, you ask the Macy’s shoe salesman more questions about how many coupons you can combine than you ask a man questions about who he is. Women ask more questions about how to apply MAC Makeup than they ask about a man’s availability. Women put more energy into picking the right hair weave than they do investigating a man’s interest in an actual relationship. No doubt, you see where I’m going with this.

Here’s an example. I’ve got a beautiful cousin who allowed me to share her story with Relationship Revelations readers. Bottom line: Her husband cheated on her. At the time, she was a career Registered Nurse who worked the night shift. And while she was out burning the midnight oil, he was in bed having phone sex with some trollop across town. This witch eventually got into my cousin’s husband’s cell phone and called her up…ON DA JOB!!!

They ultimately exchanged a lot of words and I’ll let you fill in the blanks yourself. But the conversation hit a low point when the heifer said, “He’s always on the phone with me every night for hours. He never told me he was married. He never mentioned you!”

My cousin snapped back, “Shit, did you ask?!?! Have you ever been to MY house?? NO! You’ve never been to MY house to see MY husband, because if you had you’d see MY picture every-damned-where!!!”

And my cousin was right. That dummy can’t claim she was a victim. The man didn’t put a gun to her head to keep her moanin’ and groanin’ on the phone like a horny , hormonal teenager. He had a plan, played his game and got those panties!

Yet all she had to do was ask, “Are you married?”

Now, I can already sense some readers yelling at the computer screen about the fact that the guy can lie and not answer honestly. And, that’s true. But if a woman asks this question and if the man lies, this takes the responsibility OFF of the woman’s shoulders. And until she asks the question, the responsibility is all hers. (I’ve purposely chosen NOT to comment on the multitude of ways to look a guy’s info up online. I’ll leave that to readers to share!)

Besides, when you first meet a person, they’re not gonna blurt out, “Hi, my name is Rufus. It’s nice to meet you, too. I’m married.”

I mean, who does that?

I’m going to put a bow on this thing and wrap it up. If you’re in your 20s and going through this, you’ll learn. If you’re in your 30s and going through this, you’ll get over it. And if you’re in your 40s and 50s going through this, your ass is just a glutton for punishment. Don’t let the “fine” fool ya, girl. Catch a clue. Ask the easy questions. And spare yourself a whole lot of drama!

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

STOP THE FACEBOOK FUCKERY!!!

A good man is NOT hard to find. Just ask one of the thousands of women who are doing their damnedest on a daily basis to get with some other woman’s good man!

If that flew by you, try this…

Countless numbers of women are chasing after men who are…oh, how can I phrase this…ALREADY IN COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS!!! And these women are using Facebook like a farmer’s market to go shopping for the man they want! The problem is these men already have the woman they want and aren’t interested in cheating.

This, my friends, is what I refer to as Facebook Fuckery! And it’s got to stop!

Since the economy has hit rock bottom and people are no longer paying to use dating websites, they’ve turned to Facebook to find the one they want.

Here’s what’s happening: I know of several men – both real life friends and Facebook acquaintances – who have been approached by women interested in dating them regardless of their Facebook status. First they like what they see – an attractive profile photo. So, they start browsing through all the man’s photo albums to check him out in his environment and any clues to his material possessions (cars, house, etc.). If they like what they see overall, they give the status a glance. If he’s involved and doesn’t post the name of his significant other, these desperate divas begin scrolling down the man’s Wall to see who’s commenting or hitting the “Like” button most often. From there, they begin working their way through all the women on the man’s Friends List, sending out Friend Requests like Bed Bath & Beyond shoots out coupons in the mail!

Then innocent female friends like me get frantic phone calls and text messages warning me not to friend this girl and be on the lookout for Inbox messages from that girl. Now, I’m not going to put anyone on blast TODAY, but trust and believe I’ve got a loooonnnng list of women I’ve been warned about. And true to form, they’ve all come a-knockin’ trying to dig up information on the man of their desires.

One woman who wasn’t on my Friend List even began our Inbox dialogue by telling me she’d been a jump-off for 19 years and she wasn’t even 40 years old yet. You do the math! That means this chick had never been in a committed relationship of her own for more than 6 months. She’d always been the sideline girl. And true to form, she was digging around to see if a male Facebook friend was my man. She played nice with me online, but constantly messaged my 25-yr high school friend asking him things like, “Are you fucking Ms. Guillory?”

Clearly, she doesn’t know me. Hell, I would’ve preferred she asked me that question straight out and spared me the bull about being a 19-year jump-off, but that’s neither here nor there.

Ladies (notice, this is the first time I’ve called y’all that), leave these

“good,” involved, committed, dedicated husbands and fathers alone! These women have the nerve to complain to their girlfriends and mommas that they want a good man. They spend hours in church every Wednesday and Sunday praying to God to send them a good man, trying to convince the Good Lord they’re ready to receive the one he’s made special just for them.

But have any of these lifetime members of the Jump-Off Crew stopped to think for a moment? If that committed man gets with them while he’s still with another…is he still a good man? Think about it. Hell no! The moment a man entertains this mess or gets with one of these women, he’s a cheater and a liar and a dog! So, what’s the point? If he’ll do it WITH you, then he’ll do it TO you. Right?

So, to you ladies I say, “Stop the Facebook Fuckery!”

Facebook is a social networking site. It’s not a dating website. It’s not a swingers' site. It’s not even intended for lonely divorcees to comfort one another. It’s just a medium for being social, not shopping for the next happy home you’re going to break up.

I’ve got a good friend who will remain anonymous who shared his personal Facebook policy with me. He said: “Mish, if I’ve been intimate with a woman, I won’t honor her friend request. It brings too much drama.”

He went on to add that these same women will call him up and ask why he hasn’t accepted their Friend Request. His response? “Because you can do what you just did – call me.” Smart man.

The bottom line is you must learn to respect love if you’re going to receive it. If you want a good man, then get a good man who is AVAILABLE. Stop trying to be a super sleuth on Facebook so you can befriend and then betray a lady in an effort to steal her and man.

To the men who try to stop these women, thank you. And women…be warned. The next one of you who Inboxes me trying to backdoor your way to some information about an involved man is getting OUTTED!!! I’m mentioning names, dates and times.

Try me.

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.

10 Rules For The Jump-Off

1.  Do not expect to be able to reach that man after 6 p.m.  Kids are coming home from soccer practice or the “first family” is sitting down to dinner.  And don’t bother texting…the phone will be smooth turned off. In fact, did you ever consider that you may be the only one calling the number he gave you?
2. When Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve and Valentine’s Day roll around, find something else to do because on those days, your so-called man won’t be doing you. He’ll be with his family being a stellar husband and father on those days. However, Labor Day, Veterans Day and President’s Day are all yours, honey! How do you feel about Kwanzaa?
3. Your coochie isn’t magical. Sure, it’s probably all that, a bag of chips, a pickle and a Monte Cristo sandwich. And I’d bet my next paycheck he tells you that crap, too. But that’s to keep that silly little smile on your face while giving you the false hope that your goodies are good enough to make him leave wifey. (Skip to Rule #10.)
4. If he happens to take you out in public, don’t get it twisted. You two are not an item. This is to keep you happy and quiet. Consider where you’re going – dark bars, obscure little restaurants, movies, trips out of town
5. Understand that the friends he’s introducing you to are the same knucklehead “potnas” who are probably cheating on their wives and girlfriends, too. This does not mean you’ve made it into his inner circle. Have you been introduced to any women?
6. Don’t get excited because he happens to stay on the phone after 10 p.m. with you. Has it ever crossed your simple mind that the wife’s most likely out-of-town or does shift work? (Nurses, bartenders, etc.)
7. Pay no mind when he complains about his wife or girlfriend to you. It’s all just part of the game. Here’s what he’s doing: As long as he can make you believe you’re not the reason he’s stepping out on the wife and kids and that you’re not the one interfering in a happy home, it’s easier for him to get into them panties! In all likelihood, everything at the house is just fine and you’re the one offering up some variety in his sex life.
8. Piggybacking on Rule No. 7, the jump-off must know that the man’s complaining about the wife’s sex game is part of HIS game. Complaining about her will more than likely make you give a porn-star performance that would make Heidi Fleiss hire you on the spot!
9. Don’t call the wife trying to blow up the spot. First of all, you’re probably not the first jump-off he’s had so she’s ready for you. Second, he’ll go Titanic on you (“It’s every man for himself!”) and save his own ass by denying your ass!
10. Whether your man is married or only has a girlfriend, do not expect it to turn into a relationship. Remember, you’re the chick he’s cheating with…which makes you a cheater in his eyes. He’ll never trust you anyway. So, why are you a jump-off again?

Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.