Apparently, there’s something wrong with me. I don’t mean in
the
“you’ve-got-a-zit-so-big-it-looks-like-you’ve-got-a-horn-growing-out-of-your-forehead”
kind of way. I mean, there’s something wrong with me on the inside. You can’t
see it, but clearly, society is constantly telling me something is going on
with me…and it’s all wrong, wrong, wrong.
The problem is…I don’t know what it is. Here’s what I do
know:
- I’m 40 years old
- I have no children
- I have a career
- I am not divorced
- I have never been married
- I’ve never smoked a joint, popped a pill or shot
anything into my veins
- I’ve never been to jail for slashing tires or
tossing bricks through windshields
- I don’t sleep with men for money nor do I ask
them for money
- I sometimes pay for the meal or movie ticket on
a date
- I attend church
Well, you get the point. So, why does society ask “what’s
wrong with you?” once they find out all of this about me? Seriously, I have to
ask them what’s wrong with this list?
I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Society has a 1960’s expectation
of today’s modern woman. There is an expectation that she will graduate high
school, squeeze some college in, find the love of her life on the college
campus, have children, get a job (not have a career) and hold down the
household. Oddly, this expectation exists while parents raise us modern girls
by reminding us we can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and do it all
WITHOUT a man!
Really? And something is wrong with ME? Seriously, something
is wrong with the members of our society who fall into this way of thinking.
I’ll never forget an office Christmas party a few years
back. It was hosted at the boss’ home in a very exclusive neighborhood. At the
time, I wasn’t seeing anyone exclusively so I asked a friend and fraternity
brother to come with me. At least he could get a nice meal and then we could go
out afterward.
Then the unthinkable happened. There’s no easy way to say
this, so I’ll just rip off the bandage: He stood me up.
My so-called friend and fraternity brother had told me up
until 4:30 p.m. that afternoon that he’d be at my place to pick me up at 6:30
p.m. But as late as 7 p.m. he never called me nor did he answer my calls. He
never texted. He never e-mailed. Nothing. I got bupkiss. So, I sucked it up and
went to the Christmas office party by my damned self with some quickie excuse
for my date’s last-minute absence. I was all set to hang out with my
co-workers. No problem. I’d handle my friend’s ass later for pulling a Houdini
on me!
So, the circular driveway is full of cars and that means all
the gang’s inside. I liked my co-workers so I was pretty happy to be there. And
when I get to the front door, the boss’ wife swings open the huge front door
and says, “Hi, Michica! Oh, don’t you look beautiful!” she said as loud as you
please. Then glancing into the quiet darkened driveway behind me, she says even
louder: “You’re alone? You’re too pretty not to have a date! You’re SUCH a
pretty girl; I can’t imagine why you don’t have someone with you.”
I’ve always heard the phrase: “I had the wind knocked out of
me.” But until that very moment, I had no idea what it meant. Upon hearing the
boss’ wife repeat this exact diatribe rather loudly in her echo-producing home,
I wanted to hurl some choice insults back at her, quit my job and get the hell
out of there. I mean, what the hell happened to, “Welcome to my home! It’s so
nice to have you hear.” (Bitch.) I couldn’t believe that she took one glance at
me and reduced my situation to being “too pretty” to be alone. She never asked
if my date was okay or if he was coming later. She just took one look at my “pretty”
self and the empty driveway behind me and declared I was too cute to be rolling
solo.
For those of you wondering, my fraternity brother and I did
work the situation out…several months later and remain friends to this day.
Back to my point. If you’re nearing 40 years old or have
already passed it, people look at you as if something is wrong with YOU for
being single. Never mind that on your journey to the big 4-0, everyone from your dad to
your auntie to your best friend cheered you on when you chose your education
over early motherhood or that you chose your career over an early marriage.
Never mind that you have enough patience and life experience to actually do a great job
parenting someone at this age. And never mind that your career is
advanced far enough that you can actually contribute financially to a household
with children. Never mind that you wanted to
have the marriage FIRST and THEN have the children. Oh, and heaven forbid that
your goal was to have all of your children by ONE man or woman.
If you’re anywhere near 40 years old or older, honey, you’re
screwed. This is mostly about the ladies, but applies to men, too. Society says you’re single, care-free and have no “real”
responsibility in life. Society says you can’t possibly be tired after a long
day at work because you don’t have the second job of caring for kids, a husband
and a household. Society says YOU can shorten your lunch break or stay at work
late because the mothers and fathers in the workplace need to leave early for
everything from parent-teacher night to a fever in 3rd period to
getting immunizations before school starts.
Now, before every single mom and single father or married couple
jumps my ass for the paragraph above, hear me when I say, I don’t negate any of
the above things. They’re all legitimate. After all, I once was the kid who
needed her mommy in the middle of the work day. So, it’s important that parents
be able to “parent” even during work hours.
The problem is thinking that us single folks don’t deserve
similar consideration. And oftentimes, we don't get that consideration.
The problem is your own parents looking at you as if you’re suddenly less
accomplished because you got the degree but not the family.
The problem is people assuming you’ve got all the free time in the world
because you’re single and childless.
The problem is people reducing singles to being too handsome or too pretty to
be…single. So, if I wasn’t pretty it would be okay? I’m not going there…that’s
a whole ‘nother issue!
Since when did being single make a person a pariah? And for those of you
who need some spiritual guidance on this matter, take some time to read 1
Corinthians 7:8, 25-40. I’m not going to tell you what it says. Go find it
yourself if this topic is important enough to you.
So, I said all that to say…ease up on the single person who
has no kids. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with us. We simply made choices
that put us in society’s minority. It doesn’t mean anything is weird, off-base,
outta whack, off-kilter, unbalanced or in need of a diagnosis and psychotropic prescription medication. At this age,
we’ve had enough of the instant judgements and under-handed insults.
Just be happy that we’re working, contributing to society
and not sitting up on “Maury” trying to figure who’s the father!!!
Content copyright 2011. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.
I mean, it crossed my mind that while she's busy creating her demanding list of stuff she wants in a guy, what if that same guy found out about her real life list? Ya know, that list of who she really is.
