10 Rules For The Jump-Off

1.  Do not expect to be able to reach that man after 6 p.m.  Kids are coming home from soccer practice or the “first family” is sitting down to dinner.  And don’t bother texting…the phone will be smooth turned off. In fact, did you ever consider that you may be the only one calling the number he gave you?
2. When Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve and Valentine’s Day roll around, find something else to do because on those days, your so-called man won’t be doing you. He’ll be with his family being a stellar husband and father on those days. However, Labor Day, Veterans Day and President’s Day are all yours, honey! How do you feel about Kwanzaa?
3. Your coochie isn’t magical. Sure, it’s probably all that, a bag of chips, a pickle and a Monte Cristo sandwich. And I’d bet my next paycheck he tells you that crap, too. But that’s to keep that silly little smile on your face while giving you the false hope that your goodies are good enough to make him leave wifey. (Skip to Rule #10.)
4. If he happens to take you out in public, don’t get it twisted. You two are not an item. This is to keep you happy and quiet. Consider where you’re going – dark bars, obscure little restaurants, movies, trips out of town
5. Understand that the friends he’s introducing you to are the same knucklehead “potnas” who are probably cheating on their wives and girlfriends, too. This does not mean you’ve made it into his inner circle. Have you been introduced to any women?
6. Don’t get excited because he happens to stay on the phone after 10 p.m. with you. Has it ever crossed your simple mind that the wife’s most likely out-of-town or does shift work? (Nurses, bartenders, etc.)
7. Pay no mind when he complains about his wife or girlfriend to you. It’s all just part of the game. Here’s what he’s doing: As long as he can make you believe you’re not the reason he’s stepping out on the wife and kids and that you’re not the one interfering in a happy home, it’s easier for him to get into them panties! In all likelihood, everything at the house is just fine and you’re the one offering up some variety in his sex life.
8. Piggybacking on Rule No. 7, the jump-off must know that the man’s complaining about the wife’s sex game is part of HIS game. Complaining about her will more than likely make you give a porn-star performance that would make Heidi Fleiss hire you on the spot!
9. Don’t call the wife trying to blow up the spot. First of all, you’re probably not the first jump-off he’s had so she’s ready for you. Second, he’ll go Titanic on you (“It’s every man for himself!”) and save his own ass by denying your ass!
10. Whether your man is married or only has a girlfriend, do not expect it to turn into a relationship. Remember, you’re the chick he’s cheating with…which makes you a cheater in his eyes. He’ll never trust you anyway. So, why are you a jump-off again?

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