Think Your Sweetheart's Cheating? Go With Your Gut!

No doubt you've seen an episode or two of Cheaters, the Dallas-based program that follows private investigators looking to expose cheating lovers. And there's no discrimination on this program -- the show goes after Black, Anglo, Hispanic, straight, gay, men and women. They cover the gamut from A to Z and anything in between. They've got office romances, dominatrix sex, men in drag, women-dating-women -- whoo! And, as ashamed as I am to admit it, they've got some of the best brawls on television. Wham-o!

But seriously, the show always starts the same -- with some poor soul in an interview crying because they have a suspicion. They've got that feeling way down in the pit of their stomach -- a sense in their gut that something's really wrong. Can't you just hear James Brown (God rest his cape-wearing soul) screaming in the background "I got the feelin' baby! You treat me bad! You treat me bad!!"

And therein lies the issue. Why not go with your gut? 

Do you REALLY have to hire Joey and his buddies at "Cheaters" to confirm what you already know? Do you REALLY want to see that video surveillance of your man humping some chick under the sheets in YOUR bed? Do you REALLY need to have the image of your woman sitting nude in some naked guy's lap burned into your mind forever? Why in the world do we need our feelings confirmed in such a torturous way? And why do we doubt so strongly what we know and then once we receive confirmation we shout, "I KNEW IT!!!"

So, if you knew it, why go through it?

If you're truly honest with yourself, you'll find the reason you don't want to "go with your gut" might be because you're not ready to let go. You're not ready to be alone again. You're not ready to endure another failed relationship. You don't want to hear from your friends and family who all knew she wasn't right for you and that he was no good.

But the even bigger issue here is when you begin ignoring the very real and physical pain your body suffers when you remain with someone who's cheating on you. When my last relationship took a bad turn, I was in denial about it. I was trying to cling to all the wonderful things he SAID, while I ignored all the crappy things he DID. In the meantime, my blood pressure was up and my mood was down. I had headaches and couldn't eat a thing. I got absolutely no sleep. And I prayed like a mad woman calling up Jesus on the  "main line" like it was part of the Verizon network or something!

Then it clicked. I already had the answer. He wasn't committed to our making our relationship work anymore, and he had other stuff on his mind. He was swimming in his problems and got so far into the water that he couldn't see me at the shore anymore. Our relationship was pretty much over, but I was holding on. And it physically hurt me to do that because it was outside of God's will for me to be with him. It hurt me to operate outside of God's plan for me. 

I'm not talking about that uneasiness you feel sometimes when you have a fight or misunderstanding. A quick "I'm sorry honey" and a kiss can patch those moments right up. I'm talking about downright hurtful pain! And for me, all those symptoms I described above disappeared once I let go of this man and the insane hope that this relationship was going to happen. I had to stop clinging to someone who wanted to be released.

It's like trying to hold a live bird in your hands for too long. They'll be still for a moment, but eventually that bird will scratch your hands and peck you silly trying to escape your grip. Holding onto that bird caused physical pain. Or how about trying to hold onto a car you can't afford? Your bad nerves have you looking like a fool parking down the block and around the corner to avoid repossession. Not to mention, all those phone calls from creditors have you losing sleep and stressing out. You weren't meant to have the car, but holding onto it causes pain. And, dare I say it? Staying with an abusive man or woman is completely outside of God's will for you, absolutely causing you physical PAIN.

But you know what the old folks say: "Baby, let go and let God." So I did. And He did, too.

In the meantime, I think I'm going to catch another episode of "Cheaters" just to remind myself to trust my gut!

Content copyright 2010. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.