Relationships at the Office -- Keep 'Em Inside the Box!!!

It's an UGLY fact of life. If you have a job, then you spend more time with your co-workers than with the people you love -- the kids, your spouse, your parents, siblings and friends. And because we spend up to 10 hours with the idiot in the next cubicle but only 5 waking hours at home with our family (2 in the morning and 3 in the evening), it's easy to see how we could be fooled into thinking we have "relationships" with the folks at work.


But we don't. In fact, your co-workers don't owe you a thing but their part of the project due at 3:30. 


A few months ago, a woman from accounting at my old job called me up one evening. What's weird is she and I have NEVER talked on the phone outside of the office. But I answered the phone anyway. Damn.


We went through the usual chow-chow of how wonderful my new job was, the latest gossip at  the old office and the uncomfortable inquiry of whether my new employer had any openings.


And then WHAM-O!!! She starts crying. Crap.


I mean this woman is boo-hooing into the phone like her great aunt Petunia THE MILLIONAIRE just died and didn't leave her a nickel in the will! As much I wanted to use my other cell phone to dial myself and pretend my man was calling on the other line, something compelled me to listen anyway.


She immediately starts telling me how under-appreciated she feels because no one acknowledges her extra efforts. She stays late and comes in early. She joins employee-based committees and finds more efficient ways to do her job. 


Do you hear me? This grown woman is on my phone interrupting Celebrity Apprentice snotting and sniffling in my ear because no one at work acknowledges her commitment. She feels the ladies in her department don't have her back. Oh yeah, the department head brushes her off. The CEO doesn't listen to her. And no one wants to go to lunch with her anymore. But what really upset her was how everyone seemed to be looking out for their own best interests despite the fact that "we have lunch together everyday." 


This is not the Godfather where breaking bread with someone means something. It's LUNCH! 


I asked my 50-something-year-old former colleague how much of what she'd been complaining about was in the "job description." That one went completely over her head. So, I put it to her like this: 


"The only thing the job owes you is a paycheck. The only thing you owe your employer is what's in the job description. Expecting anything more from THIS workplace relationship is a set-up for disappointment." 


And just like that...I'd lost her. I mean, I had to go get my girl off the ledge and feed her this elephant one bite at a time! 


Bite-for-bite, it's like this: 
Bite #1: The people you work with are NOT your friends. Sure, you all manage to get along for 8-10 hours a day. But that doesn't mean you're friends. After all, do you participate in each other's Thanksgiving dinners? Or, do you go to each other's bridal showers? Do you vacation together? Or, maybe you all attend each other's baptisms, Christenings and bar mitzvahs. Sure, there's the occasional happy hour. And maybe the kids get together for a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Hell, you may even hang out at the office Christmas party. But this doesn't equate to friendship. (If you've been at your job 10 years or longer, you may be exempt from this line of thinking.)


Not sold? Try this...


Bite #2: If your co-worker got laid off today, would you offer up a portion of your check to help them pay this month's mortgage, get some groceries and keep the lights on? Would you take up a collection in the office?  Hell no! You're butt would be at the water cooler professing your thanks to God that you still have YOUR job in front of anyone pumping that Ozarka!


(Another chunk of elephant coming right up!)


Bite #3: Understand that for most of us our job descriptions fit inside a tidy little box. It's concise. It sets boundaries and it is what it is. If it's going to change, most times it'll come in writing. And when you choose to step outside of that box, you should not expect to be thanked, appreciated, revered, honored, admired, respected, venerated, worshiped, adored or idolized because of it. It's a gamble you take to try and move ahead, get up the ladder. 


When going above and beyond doesn't work out, you get your butt back in the box and do your job. Then you get paid. And you call it even. You keep your unrealistic expectations in check. Then you thank the Lord above that YOU have a job in this recessive economy where a single oil spill has wrecked the entire southern coast's fishing industry INDEFINITELY.


It's like being a kid at Christmas. When you were around 5 and 6 years old, you got everything you wanted and were HAPPY! You got the Atari 2600 with the PONG and Q-Bert game cartridges. Then somewhere around 9 years old, your grandfather decides you need a globe to help you in geography class. WTF??? And grandma gets you a big ass pack of tube socks "cuz you growin' baby." Man, somewhere around 11 years old, you learned to keep your expectations in check. That way, if you got a pocket protector at 13 you wouldn't get your feelings hurt. 


Office relationships should be approached the same way. Keep your expectations of your co-workers in check. Understand these relationships are more of a "cooperative spirit" to get the job done. But they aren't true friendships. 


The people who truly have your back are your family and friends...and they're not goofing off in the cubicle next to you.

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