If You Have Time to Shit, You've Got Time to Text

This is going to be quick, but not painless. For some of you, this is going to hurt.

A girlfriend of mine recently told me about a man with whom she'd had a new sexual encounter. It wasn't exactly mind-blowing love making, but there was some toe-curling involved. So, like us ladies do, she decided on the spot whether she'd let this man come back for more. She figured this guy was definitely worth enjoying "Round 2."

What she didn't consider, however, was that he was also making his decision whether to become a frequent flyer or stay grounded. Let's just say, he decided to give up his seats on Southwest and hopped on a Greyhound...going in the opposite direction!

As it goes, my girlfriend enjoyed giving it up for whatever this man was putting down! And, in typical fashion, she called him the next day. They didn't have any stellar conversation or anything, but the call wrapped up like this:

Him: "Well, I gotta go, but I'll holla atcha tomorrow."
Her: "Okay, then. I get off at 3 o'clock, so anytime after that's cool."
Him: "Aight then. I'ma call you."
Her: "Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Him: "Peace."
Her: "Bye."

And when the next day comes, my girlfriend's face is lit up like Christmas because she's looking forward to this man's call and setting up that second round. Remember, his bus has already make a left turn at Albuquerque (said in my best Bugs Bunny voice). But he doesn't call. In fact, three whole, long, embarrassing days go by before this man bothers to call. By now, my friend is furious. I mean, she's Tina Turner-whooping-Ike's-ass-in-the-limo mad! She thought when he said he'd call tomorrow, that she should be getting a call the next day, or at least a text message.

So, when actually manages to eek out a few minutes in his day they talk about it. No doubt, my man is feeling trapped like he's on the ropes in the corner under a barrage of upper cuts and left hooks from a 21-year-old Mike Tyson. But he apologizes for not calling when he said he would. Then he makes the same promise again: "I'll call you tomorrow." And my friend was confident like a gambling-addicted referee who'd just "fixed" the Eastern Conference Finals that he was actually going to call tomorrow. After all, they'd just talked about this issue.

And when the next day comes, he doesn't call or text.

Meanwhile, when he finally calls she answers the phone and makes up some excuse to get off the line, inserting the parting disclosure that she'll "call tomorrow." And of course, she doesn't. She waits the usual three days and then calls him. But she's shocked at his assessment that she's "playing games."

She asks me in a rhetorically indignant tone, "Mish, can you believe he said I'm playing games?"

Then I pissed her off and said, "You were."

Well, she couldn't believe her ears. But truth is truth. She was playing a game. His pattern of not calling for three days might have just been his style, but she was definitely playing games because it's easy to see that she values a person's word and expects a call the next day. Moreover, my friend couldn't figure out why this man's refusal to call or even text her bothered her so damned much.

So, I offered to package this up for her nicely and put a lil' bow on it. I asked my friend if she thought this man had taken a dump in the past three days. You know, did she think he'd had a bowel movement.

Perplexed and with much hesitation in her voice, she said, "Uh, yeah."

And I answered: "If he's got time to sh--, then he's got time to text. You're angry because he made time to use your body, get a quick nut and bounce, but he can't make time to even send a text. And what's more insulting is that in the course of 72 hours he chose to do everything else in the world EXCEPT for calling YOU."

At some point, she tried to dismiss her own feelings mumbling that this shouldn't be such a big deal. But the truth is, it's a big damned deal. What it all boils down to is a lack of respect. She gave up her most precious gift to him. And he couldn't give up 30 raggedy-ass seconds to shoot out a quick text as he was shooting out turds on the throne .

She needs to flush this man, and her expectations that he'll ever want her like she wants him, down the drain.

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