Sometimes You Don't Deserve Better

When it comes to relationships, which statement is more applicable:

You deserve better.

OR

You deserve what you get.

Take a minute. Don't worry...I'll wait.

Everyday, some scorned woman somewhere in America is yelling at her heartbroken (and now deaf) girlfriend, "Child, you deserve better! Girl, you need to drop that zero and get you a hero!!!" Us ladies are super quick to support each other. And we don't care what the circumstances are. Men are wrong. They all must die. (No, really. Women do talk like that!)

But before you finish reading this, you may just begin to entertain the serious notion that sometimes, we deserve what we get.

Just this past weekend, a male friend stopped by on his way home. Mind you, "home" for him is a house owned by his girlfriend. His name isn't on the mortgage or the tax bill, but I'll be fair and tell you that he contributes by paying a portion of the bills and mowing the lawn. He maintains the vehicles and washes them every weekend. Sometimes he cooks dinner.

Did I mention he cheats? Regularly.

I've known him for a few years now, so I was comfortable asking him: "Why do you stay with her?"

My buddy hemmed and hawed and even complimented my lips. (He has trouble taming his inner dog. Not to mention, it was a diversionary tactic that would have only worked on a weaker woman.) Then he began waxing poetic and rambling on about how every relationship has its ups and downs, trials and tribulations, blah, blah, blah.

I looked at him as he diverted his gaze to the television, still mumbling about the troubles of lovers. (As I dozed off, I was awakened by the automatic motion of my neck snapping my head back into place as it began to roll backwards!) I had to cut through the bull and get to the point. I interrupted, "I know all that. But why are you still with her if you're always cheating on her???"

Uh oh. I'd pushed too hard, and my friend got downright indignant with me. "I am NOT sleeping alone. I'll be damned if I don't have someone next to me at night. I need a warm body by my side. Uh-uh. I'm not sleeping alone!" he said in a pained voice, the words spilling out of his mouth like a baby dribbling strained peas. It was a doggone mess!

And what's worse is his girlfriend KNOWS he sleeps around. She hasn't put him out of her home in seven years. She still lets him crawl back into bed when he gets home at some disrespectful hour of the morning, smelling of cigarettes and perfume. Even the possums and raccoons have retired from their nightly dumpster diving before he gets in!

So, I'll ask you again: Does she deserve better or does she deserve what she gets?

I've got another dear friend who I have known for at least 15 years now. He's a great guy and an awesome dad. And his very young wife of more than 10 years one day decides she needs to get out on her own and see the world. But this isn't the point. The point is my friend decided to spend time with another lady during his separation. That's his prerogative -- don't judge him.

My friend was fair when he told his new "girlfriend" that if his wife came back to him and the children today, he'd take her back without blinking. And while YOU may not agree with that statement, it's HIS truth. The problem here is his girlfriend didn't want to hear it that way.

Then one day, his wife came back.

And true to his word, he chose to give his marriage a shot at success. But this girl got pissed because she'd invested a whopping 30 days into the "relationship."

Tell me, does she deserve better or did she get what she deserves?

And before you jump up and instinctively say she deserves better, let me throw this at you: Is she READY to receive "better?" This woman willingly entered into a relationship with a man who was 1) married and 2) told her he would leave her if his wife came back. Now, tell me that's not a set-up for an epic FAILURE! But she willingly involved herself with him anyway. Right now, she's making foolhardy decisions. She's not READY to receive a better man. At the moment, she's willing to take ANY man.

So before you go crying to God about how you want a better mate; before you surround yourself with your "peanut gallery" of buddies who tell you you're right no matter how WRONG you are; before you get self-righteous and proclaim all men are dogs and all women are idiots ANSWER this question:

Do I deserve better or am I getting what I deserve?

Content copyright 2010. Relationship Revelations, LLC. All rights reserved.