If Someone's Drowning, Don't Jump In

If you see someone splashing around for dear life, drowning in some body of water, "Rescue 101" goes as follows: Toss out a flotation device or offer a pole for the drowning person to grasp. Then, guide them to safety. But under no circumstances should you jump into the water to rescue a drowning person!

Why? Because well-intended, would-be rescuers DIE trying to rescue someone else. The instinct to stay alive is so strong that if a drowning person has to literally stand on top of YOUR head to stay above water, they will.

A drowning person is a threat because they can think of only one thing -- themselves. They want to LIVE. They can't hear anyone. They cannot see the water's edge. They are truly in the moment. They are no longer a salesman, church pastor, attorney, doctor, school teacher or any other title. At that moment, as they are gasping for precious air, they are simply DROWNING.

Then I looked at my relationship with a man I was dating.

And a shockwave ripped through my entire body when I realized I had willingly gotten into the water with a man who was drowning in his own circumstance. (And if you really know me, you know I'd rather swap out the word "circumstance" for a choice 4-letter word that starts with an "s" and ends with a "t.")

I realized that despite my best efforts at being supportive, offering help and lending a listening ear, my man didn't want any of it. He was drowning. He couldn't see me; he couldn't hear me; he didn't even notice I was tossing him a life preserver. Like a truly drowning man, he was only thinking of himself.

Don't get me wrong. At the time, my man was catching more hell than he'd experienced his whole life. He was swimming in more "circumstance" (insert that choice 4-letter word here, please) than any person should ever have to. In fact, he was fighting for his life and the lives of his kids. And, before this moment, I can't say I would have done any better than he did.

Meanwhile, like a good little woman who didn't want to be accused of not standing by a good man, I started doing all kinds of stuff to help him through his "circumstance." (Insert the word again!) I consulted every relevant professional within a 50-mile radius to make sure my man knew he could count on me in the good times and the bad. I'd even learned things to help him that he'd never even heard of before. And in my naivete, I thought I was fighting for him -- for "us."

But here's the rub: HE DIDN'T ASK ME FOR MY HELP. I dove into that man's cesspool of mess face first -- thwack! And when I really took a deeper look, God didn't ask me to help Himeither.

And then I began to feel things. The more I interfered with God's plan for this man, the more I was in pain -- actual uncomfortable pain. I mean, my blood pressure was rising; I was losing weight; I couldn't sleep; I was snapping at co-workers and miserable company for my friends.

So, I got out of his personal pool of mess, and I apologized to God for getting in His way. I stepped back and let him find his own way to the edge of the pool. I realized that in my own life, I'd been anointed by going through my own troubles the way the Good Lord had designed. And the only thing that got me through those troubles was God's intervention.

If you've gone through anything, you know that no one can teach you like He can, and some of the lesson plans He's got cooked up are so unbelievable you know there's a blessing on the other side of your troubles. Besides, the way God teaches a lesson, there's no need to repeat it. And if I had rescued my man, he wouldn't have learned the lesson as God had designed it for him.

I used to be one of those people that believed love would save the day, that love conquers all. I don't believe that so much anymore. Sometimes, the conquering is better left to the Lord.

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