Go Ahead and Be a Big Old Baby

Babies want what they want when they want it. Period. There's no more to pontificate. There's no "but" behind that statement.


When babies are hungry, they cry. When they're sleepy, they cry. When they need to burp, poop, drink, be entertained or even repositioned, you guessed it, they cry. And they won't stop crying, screaming, coughing and wheezing until someone gives them what they want. 


In case you missed the boat here, what I'm saying is babies place themselves and their needs FIRST. It's called survival. Happiness is but a gratuitous side effect of getting what they need. But make no mistake about it, happiness isn't even the goal for babies. The goal, above all else, is to survive. And babies can only accomplish this by putting their tiny selves and their big needs FIRST. 


Is this selfish? 


Of course, it is. To a baby, arguably the most nonthreatening of any of God's creations, it's all about "self." AND...there's nothing wrong with that. Let me say this again...you read it slowly:


THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.


The baby puts herself above your need to clean the kitchen, to give junior that two-weeks-overdue haircut, to get dressed for your sister's wedding, to change the oil in the car, to mow the lawn, to cook dinner, yada, yada, yada... In fact, the baby isn't even concerned with whether YOU need to eat, sleep or take a dump. They want what they want when they want it. Period. End of paragraph.


And somewhere along the way, we lose this mentality. Mom's rhetoric now includes crazy talk of sharing your things with your sibling. ("Huh? Wasn't it all about ME just a minute ago? Now, I gotta share something?!?!") Now you have to help your brother with his chores. Or you have to share your pudding cup with your sister. And we're told to do this because "good" people do this. 


But somewhere in the space-time continuum, statements like this were twisted in our minds to mean we would be better human beings if we put our needs and desires and wants to the side to help someone else. And eventually, the word "selfish" morphed into something negative. You aren't supposed to enjoy your entire pudding cup just because you had the foresight to pack your lunch the night before school. Nooooo. You have to split your goodies with your idiot brother because he wasn't thinking...and, oh yeah, it's going to make you a better human being. 


He wins half a pudding cup and you lose. 


So, what's the problem? 


The problem is you're damned near 40 years old and it's still happening. Only now, you're in a romantic relationship where you're always giving away pieces of yourself like half a damned pudding cup. Your partner wins while you lose yourself. 


Your girlfriend doesn't clean the dishes after you've cooked...because she knows you will. And you do every time. Your boyfriend skips foreplay and gets right to the hot spot...because he knows you'll let him. And you do every time. Your wife always manages to go shopping for new dresses and gets her nails done the first of every month...because you never ask to have your needs met. And you never do. Your man stays out late with the homies...because he knows you'll never complain. And you never do.


And then you ask, "Why can't I ever win? What do I have to do to be in first place?" The answer is simple.


If you want to be in first place, then place yourself first!


I guess I'm saying, go ahead and be a "baby." Be a big old baby!!! Be selfish. Learn to get your needs met first. Moreover, don't complain when you see other people doing this very thing. Don't be mad because your girl got her nails "did" and you've been walking around like a wolf-man needing your fade tightened up for two weeks! That's not her fault. Put YOUR needs first in YOUR life. She did. 

Let me break it down this way: Even the airlines know you need to take care of yourself first. They tell you this every time you fly. When the oxygen masks drop down in cases of low cabin pressure, they tell us to apply our own masks first and THEN apply someone else's. What they're saying is, "How are you going to help me with my mask if yo' ass is passed out?"


Don't blame other people because they're "looking out for #1." It's what we were born doing. Take care of yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't allow your happiness to be dependent on the happiness of others. And if you're truly blessed, you'll find yourself a partner-lover-friend who is caring and generous enough to be as concerned about your needs as they are for their own. The key here is finding the balance. 


Besides, if you're busy looking at what others are doing, then that means you're not exactly looking out for number one...are you?

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